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Genuine Smile by Pokey

One Part

Genuine Smile Smiling again. It seems like that's all you ever do. Smile and flirt. But your eyes betray you. I know all too well the turmoil you're going through, and it is clearly evident in those eyes of yours. Ah, your beautiful, breath-taking eyes. I could stare into them all day, but the more I do the more I find myself wanting, longing, to take you into my arms, to comfort you. You and I are nearly the same. We are both going through the same thing. The same depression that slowly eats away at your will to live, your mind, your very soul, also eats away at me. But I have no idea why this parasite eats you away. You should have no reason for it to feed on you. You're beautiful, talented, social, and just down-right sexy. That's where we are different. You are everything I'm not. I have everything the monster wants, while you are just the opposite. Why does it insist on eating away at you? Why does it effect you in every way it does me? It doesn't seem fair that such a fragile, elegent creature like yourself is prey to this horrible beast. Yes, I know, nothing is fair, but it just seems flat-out wrong. Why would someone as perfect as yourself be troubled with this depression? It just puzzles me to no end. I am sitting on the couch, watching you joke around, watching you throw yourself at Kaoru, watching you fool the other's into thinking you are a happy, optimistic person. That's not who you are, not right now. Right now you are an emotional breakdown waiting to happen. Right now you may be the most pessimistic person I know, and I never thought someone could beat me when it comes to having a negative attitude. The sadness in your eyes is something I've never seen, not even in my own reflection. You turn in my direction and shoot me a huge, highly perverted grin, but it is completely fake. That's it. That utterly pathetic excuse for a grin is all it takes for me to come to a solid conclusion. Tonight. Tonight I will finally find out why you are no longer the truly happy bassist you once were. Tonight I will find out what happened to the real you, the real Toshiya. Tonight, I may even come clean with my own little secret. I glance quickly at the clock on the other side of the room. Practice, if one even wants to call it that seeing as how nobody is doing anything currently besides flirting with each other and goofing off, is nearly over. Its as if you can read my mind. You also turn and look at the clock. A smile forms on your pale lips, and it barely, just barely, reaches your eyes. This surprises me. I've been watching you for a while now, been keeping track of your every move, your every expression. This is the first time I've seen anything in your eyes other than sadness, even though it is barely there. You turn to Kaoru again, say something I can't make out, then take your bass and begin to pack it up. The others follow your lead and also begin to put their things away. I stand and stretch, trying to get the feeling back into my legs. That's what happens when one sits too long. I see you sling the bass over your shoulder and you turn to face me. I shoot you a look that clearly says 'We need to talk, now,' and you nod. I say my goodbyes to the others, as do you, and you follow me outside. I lead you to your car and we get in. You give me a questioning look. "Where are we going?" Your voice holds a bit of uncertainty, and I vaguely wonder why. "Anywhere quiet. Somewhere with no distractions," I reply. You nod and start the car, and we're off. I stare at you openly as we drive. You're quiet. You must know I feel something is wrong. I say nothing and turn my head, deciding to stare out the window instead. The roads are getting calmer as we go, and immediately I know where you are driving to. The practically deserted beach that no one goes to. Perfect. Suddenly my mind is filled with questions. So many questions all at once, the force making my head spin. They are things I think of often, but I never think of them all at once. 'Will he really tell you what's wrong?' 'Does he trust you enough?' What will he say when you tell him your secret?' 'Will he laugh at you? Reject you? Or accept you with open arms?' I am so caught up in my thoughts that I fail to realize that the car has stopped. "Kyo. We're here." Your voice is soft, almost a whisper, but it somehow manages to startle me somewhat. I nod slightly and open the door, stepping out of the car. After the car is all locked up, I begin to walk down onto the beach with you trailing behind me. I plop down into the sand and you do the same, sitting a few feet away from me. I frown at this, but again I say nothing. Silence looms over us for several minutes before you decide to talk. "What... did you want to talk about?" You sound like a frightened child. Did I make the right decision in getting you alone? I quickly shake the thought away and answer slowly, my voice low. "I think you know, Toshiya." You look down and begin to idly run your hand through the sand. "So. You know then? You know my secret?" You sound so lifeless, so detatched. My heart wrenches. I shake my head even though I know you aren't looking. "I know that you're going through the same thing I am. You feel like you're dying every day, like you're just there, with no purpose in life. Every day a small piece of you is eaten away, and you feel that soon you will be nothing but a void. A big void with nothing left." Your head suddenly jerks up and you stare at me, your beautiful liquid-brown eyes shining with a new emotion. Disbelief. "How? How did you..." Again you look away, slipping into deep thought. "So," you finally say, "I'm not the only one who feels like this..." A sad smile takes place on your lips. "Why?" I ask. "Why does this have to be happening to you? Of all the people I know, why you?" You look at me once again. This time tears are welling up in your eyes, threatening to spill forth. You are utterly confused, but you remain silent. I take a deep breath. "Totchi, I..." I am cut off by a loud sob ripping its way out of your throat. I can tell this is the first time you let anyone know about this. Slowly, cautiously, I creep forward and wrap my arms around you, trying to sooth you. But it seems I make it worse, for your sobs increase in volume and it rips, tears, and cracks my heart into millions of tiny pieces. I go to move away, thinking I am making you cry more than you should be, but immediately you wrap your arms around my middle and bury your head in my chest. I'm shocked, but I run my fingers through your short, silky brown locks in an attempt to soothe you. I get an idea, but am very reluctant. Again, as if sensing my thoughts, you let out another heart-shattering sob, and I immediately start humming softly, trying to calm you. After nearly fifteen minutes of me humming and you finally letting your emotions loose, you sniffle lightly and look up at my face. "Kyo..." It comes out as a whimper. "Thank you." You smile at me, this smile reaching your eyes more than before, but not fully. There's still something there, something that still binds you, and keeps you from being free. Suddenly it is my personal mission to see to it that you smile a genuine smile. "Why are you like me? Why are you being eaten away?" I look at you, searching your beautiful face for some sort of answer. "What is it that's doing this to you?" You answer me, and I never anticipated the response that comes from your mouth. "You." My heart sinks. Me? I'm the cause of all your pain? I'm what makes your eyes and spirit seem so dulled and lifeless? Tears prick at my eyes and I angrily wipe them away, refusing to let you see me in such a weak and vulnerable state. You continue, and I'm tempted to stop you, but I let you finish. "Kyo, I've known you for so long now. Everyday I see you. I wake you up every morning. You let me live with you, and I am so glad that you do." You blush and look at me. You see the tears in my eyes and stare at me worriedly. I don't blame you, I never cry for anyone. You still have concern etched on your features, but you continue. "It's torture for me Kyo. It's absolute hell. I live with you, and because of that I was able to get to know you better than anyone else." You pause. "At least, I like to think that. I don't know how you feel about me... but..." You trail off and look away, and even in the faint light of the setting, almost completely vanished sun, I see you're blushing a bright crimson. You look back at me, this time with a determined expression on your face. "Every single day I get to look at your dreaming face. You look so sweet when you sleep, and about nine months ago I realized something while I was looking at your sweet dreaming face." You take a deep breath. "Kyo, ever since I realized that something, I became depressed." You pause again and look at me. The look I had on my face must have urged you on. "I knew that what I wanted would never happen, and I kept convincing myself again and again. It became too much and... well, you know what happened." I give you a very confused and baffled look. You hesitate. "Kyo, I've fallen for you. Hard." I freeze. "I know you don't feel the same way, but I just needed to get it off my chest." I stare at you. Not feel the same way? You love me? My head is swimming, but I quickly snap myself out of it. I'm suddenly very aware of our close proximity. Your perfect face is only inches away from mine, and I instantly take advantage of that. I lean in and gently rub my pierced lips against your bare pale ones. I feel you stiffen but I press harder against your mouth, desperately wanting a response. I get one. You kiss me back with great passion, and I return it as well as I can. I slide my tongue along your lips and you open that sweet mouth of yours, allowing me to, at long last, explore it. I feel every tooth with the tip of my tongue, then I start urgently stroking against your own tongue. You match me stroke for stroke, and you gasp slightly as I start to roam your body with my hands. You press your body against mine even more, making me fall back into the soft, cool sand. You're on top of me now, and I don't like it one bit, so I quickly roll us over. Miraculously our mouths never part, and we are still fighting for dominance. You let out a small sound of approval as I slide my hands under your shirt, lifting the white garment. We part for breath, both of us panting loudly, and I take this opportunity to completely remove the t-shirt. I take in the sight of your beautiful body; your chest is still heaving from our kiss, and your cheeks have a pink tinge to them. I grin mentally and move my lips to your cheek, licking and nipping my way down your face, down your neck. I stop at the juncture of your neck and shoulder and ravish it completely with small licks and bites. I bite down rather hard and you cry out. I suck on the bitten flesh and shower it in small kisses before moving further down. I leisurely lick my way over your chest and stop at an erect nipple. You moan softly as I start to nibble and lick at it. 'Should you really be doing this? So soon?' A voice in my head suddenly asks. I stop what I am doing abruptly and tear my mouth from your body. You look at me in frustration. Your eyes are half lidded, desire-filled, your lips are parted and you're panting. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I suddenly push all doubts aside and continue where I left off. I give one last lick at your nipple before once again moving lower down your perfectly sculpted torso. My tongue runs over your abs, tracing the well-defined muscle and leaving a wet trail behind. I reach your naval and swirl around it, then dip my tongue inside. That's where I stop. I bring my face back up to your's for another heated kiss. As soon as the kiss begins your hands set out on a mission. A mission to rid me completely of my clothes. Your slender fingers start at the buttons of my shirt, and quicky the shirt is off and thrown somewhere to the side. I shiver, the loss of the warmth from my shirt affecting me slightly. I suddenly feel your hands at the button of my jeans and I shudder with anticipation. Your mouth suddenly departs from mine and I feel warm breath at my ear. "Kyo," you whisper hotly. Again I shudder. You push me away slightly, enough to effectively remove my now undone pants. A short moment later I find myself on my back and you hovering over me, but I allow it this time. Your hot mouth suddenly latches onto my chest and quickly moves south. I gasp as you reach the elastic waistband of my boxers. They are ripped away with great force and speed and I let out a small moan. My breathing has become labored, and another moan rips itself from my throat as I feel your hot moist mouth surround me. Instinctively I buck up into the warmth, and immediately you grab my hips and hold them down. That wonderfully skilled and beautiful tongue of yours slides up and down my incredibely hard length, swirls around the tip, then glides down again. You repeat this process, and each time you add a bit more pressure. My hands move down to your head and fist themselves in your soft tresses. My breathing is coming out in short gasps now, and I can sense that the end is coming quickly, so I reluctantly pull your head away. You shoot me a questioning look but it is immediately wiped away when I tackle you down into the sand and press my lips urgently against yours. I scowl and let out a frustrated grunt when I realize you are still wearing your pants. You grin at me and you help me get them off, as well as your boxers. You lay back down in the sand and I take this opportunity to admire your perfect body, which seems to glow in the faint light. I stare in disbelief. I can't believe this is really happening. The one thing I have dreamt of for years, it's finally coming true. I look into your eyes and find you studying me as well, and the same look of disbelief is also etched on your face. Slowly, gently, I lay on top of you and relish in the feel of your skin on mine. "I've wanted this for so long now," I hear you say. I wrap my arms around your waist. "Me too." I reply before once again pressing my lips against yours, this time in a gentle, loving kiss. My hand crawls down to your opening, and I feel you shudder as I slowly slip a finger inside. Our mouths never part, not even when I add a second finger to stretch you more thoroughly. I brush that special spot deep inside you and you let out a low moan which is muffled by my mouth. I remove my mouth and fingers, and position myself at your entrance. "Ready?" It comes out as a husky whisper. You answer by wrapping your long smooth legs around my waist. You smile at me, and I smile back before quickly ramming in, impaling you completely. A high pitch wail forces its way from your throat and I stop and look at you worriedly. Your face is twisted into a look of both pleasure and pain. I stay still, although it is taking a great amount of self control. I feel you squirm slightly, a cue for me to continue. Slowly I pull out, then I thrust back in, and we find our rhythm quickly. Your hands are gripping at my shoulders, and I can faintly feel your nails digging in to my flesh, hard enough to draw blood. "F-faster," you pant, and I gladly obey. You move your hips in time with mine, and suddenly you arch your back as I once again find that spot. Your tightness is becomming to much for me to handle, and I know that you, too, are nearing release. I take hold of you neglected length and stroke it in time with our thrusts. I tug once, twice, and that's all you need. With a loud cry you color both our abdomens in white. Your inner muscles contract around me, and I thrust only once more before joining you in the wonderful sensation of release. I collapse onto your slender form, and we both try to regain our natural ability to breathe. I push myself up slightly and brush your sweaty bangs out of your eyes. They open and you look at me, and I can't help but gasp. Your beautiful brown orbs are shining with happiness. You smile, and this time it looks right. It looks as it should. I smile back and lay a gentle kiss on your cheek before resting my head on your chest. I listen to your steady heartbeat for a moment before I feel your strong arms wrap around my middle. "I love you Kyo, so much," I hear you say, and your grip tightens slightly. "I love you too Totchi, forever." I close my eyes, and continue to listen to your heart beat, which evens out and tells me you've fallen asleep. Another smile graces my lips, and I also fall into a beautiful sleep. ~Owari~ Okay, My first lemon that I've actually finished ^-^ Was it ok? Please, tell me what you thought!

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