free domain hosting | professional website hosting | free dot com domain | hosting reseller | free forum hosting | joomla 1.5 themes | free hosting

Resolutions by H

One Part

After much cajoling, puppy dog eyes, flattery and outright begging the slender bassist had finally managed to persuade the leader of Dir en grey to hold their annual New Year’s Eve bash at Kaoru’s apartment. At around 11 p.m. the festivities were well underway – scores of friends gathered in the living room and ambling around in the kitchen, most with party hats and noise makers, and many with drinks in one hand or both. Toshiya had managed to convince several buxom women to attend as well, and each of them were fawning over the bassist incessantly, much to the annoyance of the lithe drummer who continued shooting daggers in his lover’s direction. Die and Kyo were seated on the leather sectional, laughing hysterically at the latest round of perverted jokes the blonde had managed to pick up. The lead guitarist had played his role of perfect host with humble acknowledgement that evening, making sure there was enough food on the buffet table, stocking and restocking the bar, and chatting amicably with each of his guests. Finally sensing a moment of general contentment in the gathering, he slipped away to his bedroom, locking the door behind himself. Kaoru rifled through the drawer of his nightstand, tossing out empty cigarette packages and scraps of score paper until he found what he’d been searching for – a small black book, pages worn with use and yellowed with nicotine exposure. Biting his lip he snatched it quickly, flipping to the last page. New Years Resolutions for Niikura Kaoru. Each year he kept the same ritual, scrawling down his promise for the upcoming year. Scanning back over the previous one’s he couldn’t help but laugh a little – get signed to a major label, produce hit single, release new album, cut hair because Die asked – the list continued on in a similar fashion, but there was one resolution he made and broke every single year. The one most important to his heart, yet the one he couldn’t bring himself to accomplish… Tell Die you’re in love with him. Heaving another disillusioned sigh, he picked up a pen from the nightstand, determined to write it down again for the sixth year in a row. The felt tip had barely touched the paper when there was a loud series of bangs on his bedroom door. “What?!” The auburn haired guitarist hollered, quickly stowing the precious book away in his pocket as he rose from the bed and answered the door. Unlocking it and opening it just the slightest, he smiled wearily at the inquisitive drummer. “Yes Shin?” “Just wanted to check on you.” The pale beauty pushed some stray hair behind his ear and smiled politely. “Oh, I’m fine. Just needed to finish something.” Stepping away from the door, Kaoru allowed Shinya to enter. The younger man took a seat at the large writing desk as the door was shut behind him. “Have you thought of a New Year’s Resolution yet?” The drummer folded his arms across the back of the chair, resting his head upon them as he observed his band mate. Flopping himself down on the bed, Kaoru sighed before rolling to face his friend. “Of course I have. It’s the same one every year.” The leader had long ago entrusted the youngest member with the knowledge of his secret infatuation with their redheaded guitarist. He’d confessed how much he longed for Die’s affection, how much it hurt him to see the dashing guitarist with other women and men, how jealous it made him and how in turn he sometimes took that jealousy out by scrutinizing Die to the nth degree. It’d lay so heavily on him, and yet he couldn’t bear to tell his fellow guitarist about his feelings for so many reasons – the band, the fans, their friendship, their working relationship, the fear that he’d be rejected – the list went on and on. Shinya nodded, eyes sliding to his watch before he spoke. “You still have a few minutes left. You should tell him Kaoru. Stop torturing yourself for another year. Even if the worst happens, at least you can say you were honest with yourself and with him. He’ll appreciate that and you…” He rose from the chair and grabbed Kaoru’s ankle, shaking it slightly to get his attention as the guitarist was rolling his eyes. “You’ll feel so much better.” Kaoru gave a defeated groan and rolled onto his back, only to get smacked in the face by a noise maker the drummer tossed at him. “I know, I know…you tell me this every year.” “And maybe if you took my advice, you wouldn’t be holing yourself in your bedroom moping.” The slender man retorted as he took Kaoru’s hands and yanked him into a seated position. A loud burst of applause and hoots from the living room caught both of their attention. “Come on…two minutes left.” Shinya shot a glance at the door before his ebony orbs settled back on the older man. “Fine…” Finally standing, Kaoru gave a weak smile to the drummer before following him out of the room and back to the party. The two were squished together as the attempted to squeeze from the hall into the living room, Shinya whispered over his shoulder. “He’s over there.” And before Kaoru knew what was happening the drummer yanked him by the collar and shoved him in the general direction of the couch where Die sat. The blonde had taken up the role of host in the leader’s absence, passing out flutes of champagne amongst the guests, which left the redhead seated by himself. Taking a deep breath and summoning his courage, Kaoru’s voice rose above the crowd so Die could hear him. “Die, can I talk to you for a second.” His eyes flashed towards the vacant balcony. “In private.” Beaming his trademark smile the redhead’s sparkling irises met the older man’s, causing Kaoru’s breath to catch in his throat. “Um…well it’s almost New Years. Can it wait Kao?” Whistling and the clatter of noisemakers began to reach a crescendo as the TV blared out the one minute warning; the crowd in the undersized room already beginning to celebrate with raucous cheers. “No Die…I mean. I really need to talk to you, please.” Kaoru bit his lip, imploring with his eyes. If Die denied him now, he knew he’d put the confession off again for another years time. His stomach was churning with anxiousness - 45 more seconds until 2004. “Alright then.” With a shrug the redhead stood and headed for the balcony, the older guitarist right behind him. Once they’d set foot outside, Kaoru slid the glass door shut, effectively muting much of the banter from the inside. It was cold that night, and Kaoru had chosen to wear a flimsy Jane’s Addiction t-shirt. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around himself for warmth, though he still shivered with a combination of fear and the winter wind’s chill. “Kaoru?” Die spoke softly, concern etched on his face as his hand slid to Kaoru’s thin shirt sleeve, rubbing slowly to infuse the skin with a bit of heat. “What is it?” “Die…I…” He began but was abruptly cut off. “30 seconds people!!” They could both hear Toshiya’s voice bellowing from inside. “Kao?” His spine rigid, Kaoru took a deep calming breath. “Look…I just need to say this, so please let me say my piece and don’t interrupt.” Although his eyes were downcast, he could see the redhead nod in his peripheral vision. “Die, I have this resolution, one that I make every year and one that I never manage to keep.” 20… 19… The redhead moved in closer, so near Kaoru could feel his body hovering against his own. “I promised myself that this year. I’d keep that resolution. And damnit I have like 15 seconds to do so.” Kaoru felt tears begin to well up in his eyes, his voice cracking as the trepidation radiated through him. 14… 13… The party goers were now chanting in unison, but to the two on the balcony they seemed so distant. Die bit his lip as he saw the beginnings of tears forming on the outskirts of Kaoru’s beautiful eyes, but he stayed true to his word – remaining silent until the shorter man finished. 12… 11… 10… “And I’ve thought of a thousand different ways to say this and a million different reactions you’d have. And God…I’m so fucking scared…” The suspended droplets now began to cascade over his high cheek bones. Kaoru closed his eyes to will them away when he felt himself enveloped by strong, comforting arms. 7… 6… “Die…” No regrets, no going back. 4… 3… 2… “I am hopelessly in love with you.” 1… And amidst the scores of hollering, screams of well wishes, and drunken singing within the apartment, the two stood alone on the veranda, lost in time and each other. Kaoru couldn’t bear to look at his friend’s face, cringing as he sobbed softly, bracing himself for a slap or a punch or harsh words to be flung at him as the redhead stormed off. But none of that came. Slowly he felt a hand snake under his chin, and try as he might to resist it; he was helpless but to let Die lead his face upwards. Their lips barely touching as the redhead whispered. “I’ve been waiting so many years to hear you say that.” Tentatively he pressed his supple lips to Kaoru’s, simply enjoying the sanctity of their first real kiss. Kaoru’s hands wrapped around the broad shoulders, fingers tangling in the crimson hair of Die’s nape as he pulled him closer, his body pressing urgently against the taller form. The older guitarist moaned softly, allowing the redhead to slip his tongue inside the sweet depths to gently play with its twin. It rocked through them with explosive force, Die claiming the lips and mouth with blissful accuracy as Kaoru in turn met each ministration with a hunger he’d never thought possible. Finally the two parted, panting white breaths of steam that stained the icy air. “I love you, Kaoru. Have for so long.” Die’s lips kissed away each tear on the flushed face as Kaoru clung to him with desperate arms. “You have?” The leader whispered shyly, blinking the wetness from his eyes, and biting his lip coyly. “I have.” A smile unlike any Kaoru had ever been given, so full of adoration and love slid upon Die’s kiss swollen lips. “Happy New Year, koi.” And with that said, Die leaned in and kissed the smaller man again, robbing Kaoru of breath. The auburn haired man’s thoughts were spinning, his heart felt like it was going to burst, and as Die pulled back he made a promise to swear off air if it meant losing the redhead for a single minute. Shaking his head softly, he smiled genuinely, placing his forehead against Die’s as he felt the younger man lace their fingers together. “Happy New Year, Diekun.” Eyes glimmering, a burst of giddy laughter left Kaoru’s lips. “Die? What’s your resolution this year?” “Same as every year...” Die pulled the auburn haired man into the shadows of the balcony, his lips seeking out the slender column of Kaoru’s neck and placing soft kisses on the expanse. “Make Kaoru happy.” “I love you.” Kaoru mouthed upon Die’s skin in return, his lips gliding over the strong jaw line of the redhead. “You’ve made me the happiest man on earth tonight.”

finished