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Drowning In The Deep End Part 6-9 by H
part 6	part 7	part 8	part 9	part 10
Part 6
"Moshi, Moshi" The blonde mumbled into the receiver of his mobile phone. Toshiya had put his teacup down on the table and was now intently staring at his lover, mouthing "Who is it??" while flapping his arms wildly to get the vocalist's attention. Shooing him away with his hand, Kyo turned his back on the bassist and covered his ear with his palm. "Yes. Oh really?" The blue haired one stood up and bounced over to his lover, kneeling down and pressing his ear as close to the phone as he could. Kyo shot him a stern look of reproach and twisted in his seat again. "Is he ok?" He spat out through clenched teeth. The nosy bassist was now trying to grab the phone out of his hands. "Hold on a second." Turning around with lightening speed, the smaller man grabbed his lover's ear. "AHHH!! Damnit Kyo! Let GO!!" The bassist screamed as he was dragged by the ear into the other room and unceremoniously dumped on the floor. Returning to the kitchen, Kyo continued his conversation. "Hmmm. Yeah, I'll let him know. Ok. Thanks then. Bye." The blonde snapped his phone shut and returned it to his pocket as he began to walk back to the family room. Unfortunately, he came face- to-face…well, face to chest with a thoroughly annoyed bishonen. "So! Who was that?" The bassist demanded as he folded his arms across his chest and glared daggers at his small lover. He was not amused, and his ear hurt. "Oh, It was Shinya." Kyo remarked nonchalantly while trying to make his way around the bassist. Toshiya stepped in front of him and spread out his arms and legs, successfully creating an appendage blockade with the doorframe. "Nuhuh. No TV until you tell me what he wanted!" Realizing that this was a battle he was not going to win, and that eventually he would have to tell the obstinate bassist, he relented. "Alright." He sighed rolling his eyes. "That was Shinya, duh. He said Kaoru's ill and that practice is cancelled until further notice. Now will you please move!" "Kaoru's ill? What's wrong with him? Was he with Kaoru when he called?" Toshiya returned to a normal standing position and let the smaller man by before turning to follow. "Kyo?" Flopping himself on the couch, Kyo grabbed the remote and began flipping through channels, successfully ignoring his lover's queries. Seconds later the blue haired man sat next to him and snatched the remote out of his hands. "Totchi!" "I asked you a question, Kyo. What's wrong with Kaoru, and was Shinya with him?" He asked again while concealing the remote behind the pillow he was leaning on. "That was two questions." "Don't change the subject." "I don't know. I didn't ask what was wrong. It sounded like Shinya was with someone, but I couldn't hear who. For all I know it was puppy. Jeeezzzus are you happy now?!" The frustrated blonde hoisted himself off the couch and returned to the kitchen to finish his now ice cold tea and call the other member of their band. Toshiya continued pouting on the couch, muttering under his breath. "_I_ would have asked what was wrong, and if he was with Kaoru. His royal shortness didn't need to get bitchy with me." A teaspoon flew from the kitchen and smacked the bassist in the back of the head. "I heard that!" ____ The petite man set the ivory receiver back into the cradle, pausing to stare at it momentarily before he felt arms encircling his waist from behind. Shinya let his body melt into the contours of his lover's frame. He sighed dreamily. "So, did Kyo have anything interesting to say?" The older drummer purred as he brushed a few stray locks of hair away from his lover's neck and began gently nibbling. "Mmmmmm…No, not really. Just that he'd see me later. Oh, and he agreed to call Die." The mere mention of the red head's name made Shinya's heart sink. He felt like collapsing into Yoshiki's arms. As if he was reading Shinya's mind, the older man gave him a firm squeeze and held tight to his trembling form. "Shinya, Kaoru sounded horrible. Why don't you stop in and see him on your way home tonight. I think helping a sick friend will help take your mind off of this." "Yes. I think I will." ____ The red head was pacing at the bottom of the stair well on the third floor. `Ok, how do I do this.' He sighed and rubbed his temples. "Ok, Kaoru, I know you're in love with Shinya, but you need to know how I feel about you." He paused mid step to mull over his words. `No, No, No, to sappy.' Taking another deep breath he started again, "Kaoru, I need you. I want you. You're everything to me…..ARGH!!" He banged his head against the cool plaster repeatedly. `NO! You sound like a stalker you moron!' He punched the wall in frustration. "Ok, Kaoru, I love you. I…" His phone rang. After successfully jumping approximately four feet into the air, he fumbled in his pockets for his mobile phone. "Moshi, Moshi." "Oh, Hi Kyo. No, I'm fine. The ring just startled me." "Oh. Is he alright?" "I see." "Lunch tomorrow? I don't know…" "Look, I'll think about it. I'll let you know tomorrow." "Ok then. Bye." Die slumped down to the floor and cradled his head in his hands. His heart was in turmoil; just at the moment he was determined to confess his complete and utter adoration to Kaoru, Kaoru becomes ill. "It's just not meant to be!" He screamed. His trembling fist rained harsh blows on the cement floor, over and over, harder and faster, until he finally noticed the crimson streaks that snaked through his fingers and down his wrist through his tear stained eyes. "Fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck everything." Hoisting himself up with his good hand, he managed to navigate his way back down the staircase and back out into the downpour. ____ "You didn't tell him did you?" The blue haired man was still pouting while rubbing the back of his head. "Tell him what?" Kyo turned to face his lover and rolled his eyes at the obviously phony `pain' the bassist's head was feeling. "Stop rubbing your head. It was a spoon for fucks sake. It couldn't have hurt that badly." "I have a fragile disposition." Toshiya huffed, "Anyways, you didn't tell him that Shinya's with Kaoru, right?" It was Kyo's turn to bang his head on the table. "NO! I didn't tell Die that Shinya is with Kaoru because I don't _know_ that Shinya is with Kaoru. I'm not having him get all upset over some scenario you've concocted in that twisted little mind of yours." "Oh now _I'm_ the one with the twisted mind?! Fine, be that way asshole. I was just asking a question." The last of the bassist's syllables turned into sobs as he stormed out of the kitchen, down the hall, and slammed the bedroom door. ____ The drummer had the windshield wipers on high, but the heavy drops still managed to askew his view. He leaned in close to the steering wheel and peered out the only small patch of glass that was not covered in fog. The darkness of the sky coupled with the continuous torrents of water ensured there were few other motorists on the streets allowing Shinya to drop below the speed limit, and scan the passing buildings carefully. "It's around here somewhere." He mumbled while pulling the small auto into a vacant lot. He reached for his umbrella under the seat, but remembered he'd left it at Yoshiki's the week before. Still resolute, he pulled his collar up, and prepared for the soaking of a lifetime. Surveying the area on foot was not much better then surveying by car as sheets of rain distorted his vision of the uniform blocks of apartment buildings. He stopped in front of one and read the nameplates on the mailboxes. "This is it." He looked down and realized his pants, his shirt, shoes, everything was already completely soaked through. ____ The fates had dealt the red headed guitarist a harsh hand. He had tried to get away from Kaoru's apartment, but somehow his body kept leading him around in circles. The streets of the city were abandoned, depressing gray buildings, cold and silent seemed to be closing in on him from above with an unspoken familiarity. He looked up just in time to see a young man running towards him, holding something in one hand while his other was holding his jacket above his head. Collision was inevitable. Die attempted to side step the boy, but only succeeded in blocking his path even more. The two bodies impacted, and they landed rather harshly a few feet from each other. "Hey, you ok?" The guitarist called to the dazed and dripping young man. The boy stood up slowly. "Yeah, I'm alright. Sorry about that. I could barely see anything through this rain." He bent down and retrieved his parcel and jacket. He looked with concern at Die's injured hand. "Are _you_ ok?" "Heh…Don't worry about it." Die chuckled and hid his hand in his pocket. "Say, what's that you've got?" The hastily wrapped package caught his attention. "Oh, this?" The boy brought the package to the red head for examination. "It's stupid, I guess." He grinned sheepishly as Die gingerly pulled aside the folds of paper. "Oh, They're beautiful." Die exclaimed after uncovering the breathtaking bouquet of crimson roses. "Who are they for?" The boy shuffled nervously. "Well, my girlfriend and I kinda got into a fight. They're sort of an `I was a dickhead, please forgive me' gift." The guitarist's eyes lit up. "I'll give you 25,000 Yen for them." ____ BANG BANG BANG "Totchi, come on. Pllleeeeaassee open the door." The blonde one whined as his palm slapped the wood grain surface over and over again. "NO! FUCK OFF!" Kyo heaved a morose sigh, "Please, I said I was sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?" He rolled his forehead back and forth on the door. Suddenly he felt his body lurch forward several inches as the door cracked open and the tear stained face of his lover appeared. "Hmm… let's see. You can go into the living room, open the window, and take a flying leap asshole!" He screamed while attempting to slam the door in the smaller man's face. Unfortunately for Toshiya, Kyo had managed to wedge his foot in the door, and unfortunately for Kyo, Toshiya was still pushing all his weight against said door. "Tot..chi…This really fucking hurts. I really don't need a broken foot if we have a live coming up so please open the door." He muttered through clenched teeth. The blue haired man gave in and stepped away from the door as his lover stumbled into the bedroom. Crossing the room, the bassist sat on the window bench, his back to Kyo. The vocalist sighed and followed him, placing his hands tentatively on the other's shoulders. "Please Totchi. What can I do?" The bassist made a halfhearted attempt to scoot away. "Look, would it make you feel better if I called Kaoru to make sure he's ok." Toshiya gave a small shrug and slowed his sobs. "And I'll ask if Shinya is there too, ok?" The bishonen's sobs ceased completely as he turned to embrace his lover, smile radiating through the tearstains. Kyo flipped open his mobile and dialed Kaoru's number. ____ Kaoru had managed to pull on a crumpled t-shirt and an equally ragged pair of black jeans. He wandered into the living room and flipped on the television, but all it revealed was flickering white fuzz. The storm had knocked out the cable system. He didn't care. He continued staring at the mosaic of monotone that seemed to move like a chromatic pond. `White noise like bathroom graffiti can be implicitly ironic.' A small smirk at his witticism graced his features as he continued to stare; trying to lose himself in that sea of inanimate multiplicity. A harsh knock on the door roused him from his pseudo-philosophical reverie. "GO AWAY!" He shouted, eyes still focused on the tv screen. "Kaoru, It's Shinya. Can you open the door?" Came the reply. "No, I can't so just go!" He felt the all too familiar tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes. `Yeah, go back to Die and leave me the fuck alone. Go cry on his shoulder about what a bastard Kaoru is and let him kiss your tears away.' "Kaoru, we're all worried about you. Now open *aachooo* this damn *achooo* door!" The young drummer pulled a soggy tissue from his pants pocket and attempted to wipe his nose. `Damnit, probably getting a cold from all this.' Suddenly the door opened and Shinya saw Kaoru's retreating figure. He followed him silently into the living room. The only light in the apartment was emanating from the television. The guitarist picked up a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out and lit it. He glanced wearily at Shinya. "It's my apartment so I'll smoke if I fucking want to by the way." The drummer only nodded as he took a seat on the couch, and watched the bandleader walk slowly over to the window. With his back still to Shinya he spoke. "There's some extra clothes in my room. You can change out of those wet things if you want." He exhaled a long plume of smoke. `I don't want Die's koibito catching a cold on my account.' "Um, thanks." The drummer rose awkwardly and made his way to the back of the apartment, feeling the walls to find his way. Finally making his way into Kaoru's room, he fumbled around for the light switch. After searching through several drawers he managed to find a pair of jeans and t-shirt that he thought would fit. He sat down on the bed and began removing his own pants. That's when he noticed the bloodied sheets. He changed quickly and found his way back to the living room. Kaoru was at the window, dying butt of his cigarette singeing his fingers, staring blankly at the rain. "Kaoru…" The drummer began tentatively, "What's wrong with you? Why is there blood all over your sheets?" He crossed the room and reached out for his friend, but the guitarist shrank backwards as if his touch were poison. Shinya noticed the marks on his arms. "Kaoru…" The phone rang. "Are you going to answer that?" The guitarist picked up another cigarette and lit it. "No." The phone continued ringing. "Isn't your answering machine going to pick it up then?" "No. I broke it." The phone continued ringing. Finally, the drummer couldn't take the maddening silence punctuated only by the shrill rings. He crossed the room and picked up the phone. "Kaoru's residence." The line went dead. ____ Again Die was perched in the stairwell of Kaoru's apartment building. He placed a crumpled piece of paper against the wall and attempted to smooth it out. He dug a pen out of his pocket and began to write. ~Kaoru, For some reason I can't seem to express my feelings for you with my voice. I know this is a poor substitute, but I want you to at least be able to read the words I'm unable to speak. I am love with you. I know that your heart belongs to Shinya, but I just wanted this one chance to let you know how deeply I care about you. -Die~ "Perfect" He whispered as he tucked the note loosely into the bouquet. He took a deep breath and began to ascend the last flight of stairs. ___ Toshiya looked curiously at his lover. "Why did you hang up?" Kyo shook his head slowly, "Don't tell Die but Shinya answered the phone." ___ "Look Kaoru…" The drummer began before Kaoru cut him off. "No, you look Shinya. My life is none of your god damn business and last time I checked I hadn't asked for your sympathy or pity or concern." He crossed the room to the front door and opened it roughly. "Now, I'd like you to leave." Tears formed at the edge of Shinya's eyes as he walked somberly towards the door. He stepped outside the apartment, and Kaoru began to close the door. "Wait!" He smaller man shouted, holding the door open with his outstretched palm. Kaoru looked wearily at the other man. "What?" "Only this." The petite man enveloped the guitarist in a warm embrace, sliding his hands around the startled man before whispering, "I'm here if you ever need to talk." ____ "Ok, this is it." Die took one last deep breath before twisting the knob to the entrance of Kaoru's floor. He opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. Shinya was in Kaoru's clothes. Shinya was locked in an embrace with Kaoru. Die dropped the bouquet and ran. Tears melded with the rain.
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Part 7
The young drummer took off running down the hall, down the stairs, out into the rain. The discarded roses were no more than a red blur to his sodden eyes. Finally arriving back at his car, he picked up his mobile. ____ Kyo stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed and into the awaiting arms of the beautiful bassist. He rested his head on Toshiya's smooth chest, listening intently to the strong rhythm hidden underneath. "Kyo?" The vocalist lifted his head, staring lovingly at the blue haired man. "Yes, angel?" The bishonen giggled and ruffled the blonde tufts of hair. "You're crazy." Sitting up and crossing his arms indignantly, he feigning being horribly insulted. "I am not!" His eyes softened and his hand reached out to caress the other's cheek. "You are my angel. You know that." He leaned in and ghosted his lips across Toshiya's. "Mmmm…" The bassist sighed as the warmth of the lips was gone; his worried thoughts forgotten by the simple touch. However, the smaller man knew instinctively that something was bothering his love. "Totchi, what's wrong?" "I'm just worried about Die. Maybe we should give him a call." Kyo glanced at the clock. "It's nearly midnight. Let's leave him be for tonight, he's probably sleeping. We'll call him first thing tomorrow, ok?" The bassist smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on the blonde's pouty lips. "Ok." ____ "What'll it be, friend?" The elderly bartender looked at his newest patron with concern. The redheaded man had obviously been crying. "Three shots of Glenlivet." Die didn't even bother to look up, he just sat there staring at the fading wood of the bar top. "Make those double shots." The bartender pushed several locks of silver hair out of his face as he reached for the bottle and poured three neat shots. He lined them up in front of the guitarist, watching silently as each glass was downed and replaced with a smack on the bar top. "Three more." The guitarist choked out. Again the bartender complied quickly, lining up another trio. He downed a fourth, and reached a shaking hand in his pocket for a cigarette. He hadn't noticed when he came in, but the silence that permeated the small tavern signaled that he was the sole customer. A rasping voice woke him from his reverie. "Well son, you're either stupid or desperate to come out in this weather." He chuckled as he poured himself a shot and moved around the bar to sit next to the redhead. Die cracked a weary smile, "How about stupid and desperate." He held up his cigarette pack in a silent offering. "Thanks." The barman took a cigarette. He lit it slowly, as if contemplating the deep meaning behind the gesture. "Well, I'm not sure what's wrong, but I was your age once." He took a long drag and exhaled wispy white smoke before downing his shot. " And I remember that most problems at your age stem from one thing." The guitarist downed his fifth shot, grimacing as the liquid hit his abused stomach. "Yeah, so what's that?" The barman gave a soothing smile before continuing. "Well, from the look on that face of yours, and from the number of these you've ordered I'd have to guess it's women problems." Die gave a sullen laugh before downing his sixth. "Yeah, I guess you could say that." "Take my advice son, move on with your life. It's no use getting yourself in a state over the one that got away. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and believe it or not, years down the road, you'll have trouble even recalling her name." He gave the guitarist a friendly pat on the back. "Best thing for a broken heart is time and distance." The guitarist stood up abruptly, pulling several bills out of his pocket, and shoved them in the general direction of the bartender. "Thanks for the drinks." He called out as he stumbled towards the door. "And for the advice" He whispered before he stepped back into the rain. He looked back and gave a final nod to the man before heading off into the night. "Kaoru." He sighed longingly before shaking his head in an attempt to banish any thoughts of the other guitarist, "No. I have to do this." He whispered. "I have to." ____ After speaking with his distraught koi, Yoshiki caught a cab and headed downtown to visit a certain morose guitarist, but not before he picked up a couple of items on the way. Arriving outside Kaoru's apartment, he paid the cab driver before making his way up the stairs. At the entrance to the guitarist's floor he found the discarded bouquet. He picked them up gingerly and placed them in his bag. BANG BANG BANG "Fuck off!" Kaoru screamed at his second uninvited visitor of the night. BANG BANG BANG "Damnit. Go away Shinya!" The guitarist furrowed his brow. He had had just about enough of the slender drummer for one night. He didn't need his pity or his gestures of friendship and kindness. "Kaoru, it's Yoshiki. Now open this damn door before I break it in!" "Fuck" He muttered as he stomped over to the door and twisted the knob roughly. "What do you want?" He spat out at the elder drummer on his doorstep. "To talk. I brought scotch and cigarettes, so I assume you're going to let me in." He smirked as he held up the paper bag as proof. He knew he'd won that round. "Fine." Kaoru moved aside, and let the drummer enter. Sidestepping various take out containers and empty bottles, he made his way to the kitchen and flicked on the light. Yoshiki closed the door and followed him in, setting the bag on the floor, and moving some yellowing newspapers off a chair before sitting. Kaoru sat facing him. "Alright, now where are the smokes and the liquor." The pink haired man queried, giving the older man a vague and disinterested look. Yoshiki pulled out the carton of cigarettes, the bottle of amber liquid and two shot glasses. After peeling off the shiny, paper covering, he opened the bottle and poured two shots. The guitarist grabbed it, downed it, and held the glass out for another. The drummer smiled, downed his, and poured two more shots. After a half an hour of silence, and a half a bottle of scotch, Kaoru finally broke the nonverbal stand off. "So, are you just going to sit here and drink with me, or did you want something?" He held out his glass for another shot. The older man refilled the glass. "I was waiting for you to talk." He lit two cigarettes and gave one to the melancholy guitarist. Kaoru laughed, letting the alcohol slowly dissolve his defenses. "You want to talk?" Grabbing the bottle from the drummer's hands, he took a large swig. "Ok, lets talk. Let me tell you a little story, Yoshiki. Would you like that?" The drummer remained silently sipping his drink, waiting for the inebriated man to continue. He took another drink from the bottle, and lost his balance, falling backwards into the cabinets. He looked up with glazed eyes at the older man as he slumped to the floor. "Yeah, well here's the story. There was this guy who was completely in love with this other person. But this other person was in love with someone else. And this guy has to see these two people day after day, flirting and stealing looks at each other. So one day this guy just fucking snaps. He loves this person so much that he hurts himself on the outside so can numb the pain on the inside." The guitarist lifted up his shirt and showed the drummer the multitudes of crimson streaks that adorned his pale chest. "And he can't live happily fucking ever after. The end." His head fell forward, and the familiar rivulets of water began to seep from his eyes. The older man arose and crossed the room, kneeling in front of the sobbing guitarist. Gently, he placed his hand under Kaoru's chin, drawing his face up slowly to meet his gaze. "Kaoru, know this much. I have been where you are now. And at that point in time I thought I'd never be able to feel anything for anyone else. I hated myself so much that I ended up convincing myself that I wasn't worthy of anyone's love, especially this person's love. Years went by, and I had to see this person day after day, and each day I died a little more inside." The younger man saw tears now streaming down the drummer's face. He put his small hand over Yoshiki's and squeezed. "One day this person was taken away from me, and I hated myself even more because I never told him how I felt. And I sat around trying to destroy myself, just like you are now. I woke up each day and it hurt like hell, and he was the first thought that came into my mind. But over time, he was the second thought that came into my mind, then the third, and even now I still think about him, but I was able to put things back together eventually, and move on. Then one day I found someone who fell in love with me despite all my faults." The young man searched the drummer's face before whispering, "Him? Was it…?" Placing a finger gently on the pink haired man's lips he spoke, "Shh…some questions are best left unanswered." He gave the younger one a reassuring smile before helping him to his feet. "Now, seeing as you have a live in two weeks time, I think it's best you start practicing again." Kaoru nodded in agreement before giving a huge yawn. "I'll call the others and tell them to be at the studio at 9 a.m. sharp tomorrow. You get some sleep, I'll clean up here and let myself out." The pink head bobbed in agreement before turning and stumbling into the hall. The older one smiled as he picked up the glasses and put them in the sink. "Yoshiki?" The timid voice coming from the hallway startled him a little. "Yes?" "Thank you." Smiling broadly, the drummer re-corked the liquor. Before he left, he reached into the paper bag and set the roses on the table. The little, paper note was still tucked discretely inside. ____ "WAHHHHH!!!" The blue haired bassist screamed and jumped on top of his sleeping koi, which caused Kyo to scream and push the frightened bishonen onto the floor. "Wha…huh…" The vocalist mumbled as he groped around for the light switch. When the lights came on, he noticed the blue haired one on the floor, and flickering lights and rings coming from his mobile. The bassist grinned sheepishly, "It startled me." "Urm.." He grunted as he retrieved the phone, "Yeah?" He muttered into the receiver. "Yeah." "Alright." "Did you leave a message?" "He'll be there then." "Thanks." He clicked the phone shut and flopped back down on the bed. The bassist rubbed his eyes, and returned to his side. "Who is calling at 1:30 in the morning?" The blonde man yawned and put his arms around the bishonen protectively. "That was Yoshiki-san. He talked to Kaoru and we've got practice tomorrow at 9." Kyo reached down and pulled the blanket over both of them. "Oh, and he got a hold of Shinya, but Die's phone is off so he left a message." "Oh." The bassist muttered as the nagging concern for their redheaded guitarist returned. "Toshiya?" "Yes?" "I love you." Kyo turned off the light. ___ The redheaded guitarist tacked the note to the outside of his apartment door. With a final sigh of determination, he walked outside to his car, gunned the engine, and began driving.
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Part 8
Slivers of morning light shone through the blinds as the petite drummer awoke. He rolled over to the other side of the bed. It was still warm, and still smelled faintly of his lover's cologne. Untangling himself from the sheets he stood up and gave a languid, cat-like stretch before pulling on his robe and sauntering into the kitchen. He couldn't help but laugh at the sight that greeted him upon his arrival. Yoshiki - spatula in one hand, bowl in the other, a frilly white apron over his pajamas, and batter all over the place. "What in the world are you doing?" He managed to choke out through giggles. Gingerly he tiptoed across the gooey floor and kissed the older drummer sweetly on the nose. Yoshiki blushed, "Erm…I was trying to make you breakfast in bed, but it seems you're out of bed, and this…" He sighed while he gestured to the globs splattered all over the kitchen, "is not much of a breakfast." "And why were you trying to make me breakfast?" He snickered as he wiped a spot of batter off the older man's cheek. Yoshiki looked deeply into the younger man's eyes. "I wanted to thank you, Shinchan." The slender man looked quizzically at his lover. "Thank me? For what?" "For loving me, despite all my faults." He shrugged and laughed, "One of which being that I can't make pancakes worth a damn." The younger gave a feral smile as he took the bowl and spatula out of his lover's hands and set them on the counter before he leaned for a scorching kiss. Tongues tasted and teased for several minutes. When the two finally broke, the older one looked slyly at the bishonen. "Want something else for breakfast?" "Only you." Shinya whispered. ____ BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP "Argh…" Kaoru muttered as he picked up the alarm clock and sent it sailing across the room. He had a hell of a hang over. Forcing his body back to life, he stumbled into the bathroom and fumbled in the cabinet for a few asprin while the shower water heated up. After his shower he pulled on a pair of black jeans and a t-shirt. He walked into the hallway and looked in the ornate mirror, memorizing his sullen features while speaking aloud words of self-encouragement. "Ok, today is work. Just work. Die is your coworker. Focus on the band…focus on the music." He sighed at his unconvincing words as he continued down the hall. "Who the fuck are you kidding?" He cast a casual glance at his watch. "Shit!" He yelled in frustration as he noticed it was 10 after 9. He ran into the kitchen, and grabbed an apple. He noticed the wilting bouquet in the middle of the table and a small piece of paper peeking out from between sanguine folds. "Yoshiki must have left these for me. What a sap!" He whispered, but his watch beeped at 15 past the hour, reminding him of his pressing engagement. He picked up the note, stuffed it into his pocket and ran out the door. ___ "Why don't you call him?" Toshiya suggested to the vocalist. They were outside the studio, smoking and waiting for Kaoru and Die to arrive. Shinya had gotten there before any of them. "Which one?" "Both!" The bassist whacked the vocalist on the head with his cigarette pack. "I've already tried calling Die three times this morning though." He cast a nervous glance at his koi, and began biting his nails. "Ok, ok! I'll call them" Kyo pulled out his phone and dialed their leader's mobile with one hand as his other batted the pretty bassist's fingers away from his mouth. "Don't chew your nails that's…" The pink haired guitarist answered his phone much to the blonde's surprise. "Hey, where are you?" "Oh, right." "See you in a few then." The vocalist flicked his cigarette butt into the street. "Kaoru's on his way. He just overslept. Here." He handed the phone to the blue haired man, "Try calling Die again, I'm going to see if I can scrounge up some food in this place." With that the blonde disappeared back into the building. The bassist dialed the redhead's number. His voice mail came on immediately. "Die, this is Toshiya. We're practicing today. Um, I hope you're ok. Call us when you get this message. Bye." ___ The pink haired guitarist had just arrived, and began unpacking his guitar when he noticed the slender frame of their drummer trying to conceal himself behind his drum kit. 'Fuck…Shinya probably thinks I hate him from the way I acted last night.' Resigning himself to his fate and reckoning that he deserved every bit of the younger man's contempt, he approached the sullen drummer. "Um…Hi Shinya." He forced an awkward smile onto his face. The slender man looked up in surprise, so startled he took a few steps backwards. "Oh, Kaoru…hello." The guitarist shuffled his feat a bit before continuing, "Look, about how I acted yesterday…I…well…I was an asshole, and I really didn't mean any of it. I was just frustrated and I took it out on you." He peaked through his bangs at other man. "Well, anyways I'm really sorry." "Kaoru…" The young man whispered as he stepped out from behind the drum kit. Tentatively, he encircled the guitarist in his arms. Kaoru froze at first, but slowly he accepted the small gesture of forgiveness, letting himself melt into the embrace. "Shinya…I'm so sorry." He whispered into the young drummer's ear, but his thoughts were elsewhere. 'I hope you and Die will be really happy together'. ___ Toshiya stood in the small kitchenette across from the studio, mindlessly dumping spoonful after spoonful of sugar into a fresh cup of coffee. "Die, where are you? Are you ok?" He sighed as he picked up the carton of creamer and filled the sickeningly sweet brew to the brim. Crossing the small corridor, he entered the studio only to find their willowy drummer locked in the arms of pink haired guitarist. Rage replaced all earlier thoughts as he hurled the mug over their heads, sending liquid and shards over the startled men as it exploded against the wall. "Toshiya!" Shinya screamed as he wiped the scorching brew from his face and arms. "What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" The pink haired man yelled at the seething bassist. Toshiya quickly bridged the gap between them and grabbed the guitarist by the collar. "What am _I_ doing?! What the fuck are you doing?!" He began shaking the other man violently. "How could you do this to him? Both of you?" "Toshiya! Stop!" The slender drummer grabbed the bassist by the waist and wrested him off of the shaken leader. The blue haired one fought back, elbowing the smaller man hard in the stomach. Shinya let go, holding his stomach as the bassist hurled him into the wall, his hands clenched the slender man's shoulders. "I told you, Shinya. I told you this was killing Die, but you didn't give a damn. I've been trying to call him all fucking morning. Are you fucking happy now?" He began knocking Shinya into the wall, his head punctuating each word with a sickening thud. Kaoru punched the bassist squarely in the jaw, causing him to topple backwards, clutching his injured face. He wiped the small trickle of blood off with the back of his hand. "Shinya? Are you ok?" The guitarist looked anxiously at the wounded drummer who could only nod mutely. He turned his attention back to the bassist. "What the FUCK is going on, Totchi? Why?" He sneered and gave an appalling laugh. "Quit playing games, Kaoru. I know what I just saw. How do you think Die feels, knowing what's going on between you two." The drummer managed to regain control of his senses. "Toshiya, what are you talking about? You told me Die is in love with Yoshiki. Furthermore, there's nothing going on between Kaoru and I. We hugged. That's it." The guitarist felt his knees go weak. "Die…Die's in love with Yoshiki…" He stumbled backwards, leaning on the wall for support. "But Shinya, I thought Die was in love with you." "Me? Why? I thought he hated me because I'm dating Yoshiki." The drummer looked quizzically at the bassist, then back to the guitarist. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Toshiya cried, "Die's not in love with Yoshiki, he's in love with Kaoru, damnit. That's why he's so upset that you two are dating." Kaoru attempted to rationalize the jumble of words and names that were looming in his conscience. "Shinya, you're koi is Yoshiki?" "Yes! I thought you all knew." The blue haired man managed to right himself and turned to the bewildered guitarist. "Right, so let me get this straight. You thought Die was dating Shinya. Die thought Shinya was dating you, when all along he was dating Yoshiki?" He turned deathly pale and began to falter. "Toshiya!" The drummer screamed in horror as the bassist crumpled into a pile on the floor. He ran to his side. "Kaoru, get some water!" The guitarist quickly grabbed a bottle of water out of his bag and threw it across the room. Shinya caught it, twisted the cap roughly and dumped the contents on the blue haired man's face. Slowly he opened his eyes. "Toshiya. Talk to me. You said that Die…Die is in love with me?" He gazed worriedly at the prostrate man. "Yes. Die is in love with you." He sobbed. "When he thought you were with Shinya he just couldn't take it, and I've been trying to get a hold of him all morning." Panic gripped his already distressed mind, "Oh God. What if he did something stupid?" The guitarist bolted to his feet, and began to head for the door. Shinya helped the bassist to his feet and they took off after their leader. The small blonde man had been idly munching a doughnut when he saw three of his band mates running towards him at a frantic pace. "What'd I miss?" He muttered through a mouth of pastry. The pink haired man grabbed him by the shoulders. "Kyo! Let me borrow your car." He screamed. Frantically he searched his pockets, producing a set of keys, which he handed to the shaking guitarist. He noticed the blood trickling out of his koi's mouth. "Toshiya! What happened?" "We'll tell you on the way! Come on!" He shouted, grabbing the vocalist's arm and pulling him along. "Where are we going?" The befuddled blonde asked any and all of them. "To Die's apartment." The bassist confirmed while saying a prayer internally. 'Please be there Die. Please be ok.' ___ The redhead finished the last of the amber liquid and tossed it behind him. It landed in the sand several feet behind him with a small thump. He'd been staring out at the water all morning. He couldn't cry anymore. He couldn't feel anymore. He was empty, a vacant shell like those that were scattered under his feet. "I'm dead to the world anyway. Dead to Kaoru." He whispered as he picked up another bottle and pried it open. He examined thoughtfully the remaining bottles left in the cardboard carrier. "Two more left. It's almost time."
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Part 9
Kaoru raced down the concrete stairs to the parking lot, taking them two by two. When he reached the last flight, he vaulted over the railing, stumbling a bit as he landed with shaky feet on the pavement below. The other three, being rather encumbered by their platform shoes, took the stairs one at a time as quick as they could manage. Shinya led the way, followed closely by a sobbing Toshiya who kept blowing his nose in his handkerchief as he pulled the slight vocalist, who by this time was choking on the remnants of doughnut and trying his best to remain upright. Using the remote to unlock the door, he ran around to the driver's side, jumped in and almost broke the key as he turned the ignition. Kyo frowned as he caught up with the pink haired man. "Kaoru, you're in no state to drive. Scoot over. I'll get us there quickly." A devilish grin slinked onto his face. "Oh God." The bassist stuttered through his sobs. "You better let him drive, Kaochan." "Fine! But were wasting time!" The pink haired man shouted as he maneuvered himself into the passenger seat. The drummer shoved the hysterical bassist into the back seat and buckled him in. Opening the glove compartment, Kyo retrieved a pair of flight goggles and slid them over his head. After a momentary adjustment, the engine roared and the four sped off at an alarming speed. Shinya looked nervously at Kaoru in the rear view mirror, trying to convey the 'Kyo is a fricking maniac and we are all going to die' look, but the guitarist was too preoccupied. He had to get there in time. He had to get to Die. Absentmindedly, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the small piece of paper he'd found in the roses that morning. "What's that?" The blonde queried as the car made a sharp right turn at approximately 100 kmph. Pulled back to reality by the voice, Kaoru shook his head. "Oh, some note that Yoshiki left me in these flowers he brought over." He put the note back in his pocket. "Kaoru?" The small drummer called apprehensively from the back, while attempting to loose the dismayed bassist's grip on his waist. The auto made another sharp turn, this time to the left. The guitarist looked behind him. "Yes Shinya?" "Um…Yoshiki told me what happened with you last night. He didn't bring you flowers. They must have been from…" He was cut off by the persistent wailing in his ear. "Waaaa…they must have been from Die….waaaaa!" The blue haired one glomped onto the drummer with even more force. The guitarist took a few moments to contemplate this latest revelation before he pulled the note out and slowly opened it. Tears fell from his eyes as he read each heartfelt word. ~Kaoru, For some reason I can't seem to express my feelings for you with my voice. I know this is a poor substitute, but I want you to at least be able to read the words I'm unable to speak. I am love with you. I know that your heart belongs to Shinya, but I just wanted this one chance to let you know how deeply I care about you. -Die~ "Die…" He whispered through his soft sobs. "Die…I love you too." Kyo gently placed a comforting hand on the pink haired man's knee. "Kaoru, your in love with Die?" Shinya leaned forward in his seat and attempted his best to explain. "Kyo, too make a remarkably long story short. Die loves Kaoru and Kaoru loves Die. I love Yoshiki, and Yoshiki loves me, and all of this has been one big misunderstanding." "It's all my fault! I'm so sorry!" The blue haired man wailed. "Shhhh…It's all of our faults, Toshiya. We should have been honest with each other from the beginning." The slender drummer cooed as he stroked the bishonen's hair lovingly. "No. This is my fault, Shinya. I should have told Die how I feel a long time ago. I have to make it right." The guitarist pounded his fist on the dashboard. "Damnit!" He put his head in his hands and wept; his mind reeling with possibilities and fears. The small car turned 180 degrees as Kyo spun into the parking lot of the redhead's apartment. The guitarist didn't even wait for the car to stop, as he opened the door and hurled himself onto the pavement. Running through several hedges, he made it to the entrance of the complex and threw open the door. The vocalist left the engine running as the other three trailed after their leader, following him up several flights of steps and down the corridor to the redhead's apartment. When they finally reached Kaoru, they noticed the man turning a folded sheet of paper over and over in his hands. "It's for you…" The pink haired man muttered as he handed the note to the bassist. "To Kyo and Totchi" The blue haired man read as he broke the tape seal on the paper. He was silent for a few seconds as he perused the note before he finally spoke, "Oh God." He shuddered and began sobbing again as he handed the note to the blonde. Shinya wrapped his arms around the distraught bassist. The blonde looked at the note precariously before he opened it. "Dear Kyo and Totchi" He read aloud, glancing forlornly at his fellow band mates. "I'm sorry to do this to you. I just can't live with the pain any more. I know Kaoru loves Shinya and I wish them the best. Please don't tell them why I did this. I don't want anything to mar their happiness, but I know you two know that I can't go on like this any longer. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love Kaoru, and I'll take that simple fact with me. Yours forever, Die." The vocalist looked to the other members when he noticed a pink blur rushing by. "Kaoru!" He shouted as the man exited the floor. "I know where he's going!" was the last sentence the three in the hallway heard as the leader ran out. The other members hurried after him. They reached the outside in time to see Kyo's red auto speed off haphazardly into the oncoming traffic. "I'm calling Yoshiki." The drummer stated nervously. "Kyo…Oh God. It's all my fault." The blue haired bassist clutched onto his koi for support. "Shhh…Angel. Kaoru will get there in time." The vocalist soothed, praying inwardly that he was right. ___ Die picked up the second to last bottle and opened it slowly, sighing as the moisture that had accumulated on the outside dripped gradually through his fingers. After prying off the top, he drank down the warming liquid quickly, letting the stagnant brew sooth his abused throat. "Kaoru…I love you…please don't hate me for this." He whispered as he brought the bottle to his lips again. "I love you." He cried as he downed the remnants of the bottle and reached for the last one. ___ "Damnit Die! Don't fucking do this!!" The pink haired one screamed as he tore down the highway toward the beach. He knew where the redhead would be going. It was their place. Theirs alone, where years ago he had made the other man a solemn promise. He began to think back to that day…so many years ago. //"Get off me fucker!!" The pink headed man screamed through his giggles as his friend held his hands to the sand beneath them. "Not until you promise!" Die countered, his hips riding high on his friend's chest. "Promise me, or I'll keep you here!" He giggled as the other man struggled beneath him. "ARGH!!" Kaoru screamed, trying to dislodge the stronger man and realizing it was to no avail. "Fine, FINE!!!" He screamed as he felt the younger ones' fingers release his wrists and begin to tickle his sides. "I…heehee…I…I… promise!!" The elder man relented through a torrent of giggles. Soon after the tickling digits ceased. The leader noticed that his friend's face had moved within scant inches of his own. He could feel the warm breath striking his cheeks. "Do you really promise, Kaoru. Promise that even if our band doesn't work out, that you'll still be with me?" The redhead whispered, his lips mere millimeters from Kaoru's. The pink haired guitarist had wanted to grab him, kiss him hard on the lips right then and there, but he was too afraid, afraid Die would reject him, hate him, and think he was a pervert. Instead he blushed deep crimson and turned his head to the side, while knocking Die off with his freed hands. "Of course I promise, Die no baka!" He shouted while heaving a handful of sand towards the other man. The redhead gave a malicious grin before heaving armfuls of sand on the other guitarist. "Thank you for promising, Kao-chan" He laughed as he threw another mound on his friend.// Kaoru noticed the familiar exit in the bend coming up. "Die!! I love you, you fucking moron!!" He screamed as he turned down the narrow, gravel road. 'Just a few more miles.' He whispered to himself. ____ "Yo-chan was at the studio, upstairs. He'll be here in a few minutes." Shinya informed his other band members as the three huddled outside Die's apartment. "But…where did Kaoru go??" The bassist moaned helplessly as he buried his face further into the vocalist's neck. Kyo stroked his koi's head comfortingly as he remembered. "Hold on a sec, Die told us awhile ago that there was this spot by the beach that he and Kaoru used to always go to before we started as a band!" He pulled up the blue haired one's head slowly and kissed him gently on the lips. "Do you think that's where Die is?" The bassist queried, hope gleaming through his tear stained eyes. The slender drummer grabbed the blonde roughly by the collar. "Kyo! Can you remember where that is??" He asked anxiously. Furrowing his brow in concentration, the vocalist kneaded his temples with his hands. Toshiya glanced at the drummer in anticipation. "Hmm…lemme see…it's been a few years." Kyo murmured as a large black limo pulled into the lot. "AH! YES!! I remember!" He shouted as he was pulled into Yoshiki's waiting car. The elder drummer spoke tersely. "One of you, give us directions. Where has he gone?" __ The forlorn guitarist took the last sip from the final bottle he'd brought with him. Staring mindlessly into the midday sun, he began to walk into the warm, enveloping water. His heavy clothes guaranteed that it would not take long before the siren of the sea called him into her dark depths. "Just a bit farther now." He murmured as his waist felt the cooling lap of the surf at his well-toned muscles. He began to cry again, cry for the love that he would never realize, cry for the days upon months upon years he'd spent pining futilely over the one he loved. Suddenly, strong arms caught him from behind. The redhead yelped in protest. "Leave me the FUCK ALONE!" He screamed trying to wrest himself from the firm grasp, his arms swinging madly. He felt a strong fist impact with his cheek, and everything started to blur. The redheaded man stumbled backwards in wonder. "What the FUCK are you doing!" He screamed as the salt water assaulted his eyes, preventing him from seeing his attacker. He felt determined arms dragging him backwards as he kicked and screamed against them. "Let me GO!! You don't know what's going on. Just leave me ALONE!" He felt his heels dragging against the wet sand. "Who the fuck asked you. Leave me alone! I have to do this!" Die screamed as he was pulled onto the shore. Suddenly a pair of lips crashed down upon his with brutal force. He was helpless to do anything but envelope the warm tongue that invaded his mouth. He sighed longingly and kissed back with fervor, pulling the other man's mouth harshly against his own, pretending it was Kaoru. Slowly, he opened his eyes. "Kaoru?" He mumbled completely befuddled by the incident. "How..why…I…" "Shut the fuck up Die and kiss me!" Came the response as the leader pressed his lips against the redhead's, letting years of pent up passion erupt as he moved sensually upon the other man, his aching erection straining against an equally hard bulge in the other man's pants. Time ceased. For each of them the years of longing, wanting and needing exploded in each slight nip of teeth, each strong swipe of tongue, each wanton moan that escaped their lips. They lost themselves in the reality of each other. Finally Kaoru broke their kiss, "Die…you fucking moron! I thought you were dating Shinya. I thought all my love for you was in vain!" Die stared at the man hovering above him in wonder, "But…aren't you dating Shinya?" The pink haired man let his hand drop down to the other man's crotch, massaging slowly. "It was a big misunderstanding, Die-kun, and I should have told you years ago. I've loved you from the time we first met." He brought his mouth down for another scorching kiss, tasting Die and wanting Die through each impassioned moan. "Oh God…Oh, Kaoru…" Die purred as he flipped them both over, pressing himself hard into the man below him, feeling the other moan beneath him. The two continued to taste and tease, touch and feel as the surf lapped at their backs. They were oblivious…oblivious to everything but each other, and all the time that they'd lost. ___ "We're here!" The blonde screamed as the foursome jumped out of the limo and ran to the cliffs below. Toshiya gasped as he stared at the sight below them. "They've finally got it!" He noticed the two guitarists making out in the surf below. He grabbed his koi and kissed him roughly. The small drummer felt a warm set of arms embracing him from behind. He leaned back into the touch. "Do you think they'll be ok now, Yo-chan?" The slender man whispered. "I think they'll be just fine, my beautiful Shinya." The older man remarked before turning his lover around and pressing his lips to the bishonen's.
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unfinished