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Mask Of Innocence Part 6-10 by Cherrie
part 6	part 7	part 8	part 9	part 10
Part 6
Mask of Innocence Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic. Notes: Now I lack updates. I don't know how my schedule goes, but hell, it's annoying, isn't it? Sorry for the late update. I partially fulfilled my promise to the SD fans and worked on their share of my fanfics, but now I seem to have neglected this one this time *apologetic bow* I promise to work on this one again. Chapter 6 - Walls of the Past The dim light of the small blue diamond earring sparkled in the darkness of dawn. The ethereal glow matched the grace that the thin curtains danced from right in front of him. The windows were open, accommodating enough sunlight to dimly light up the majestic room. He had opened them last night, when he found that the evening air in the height from which the mansion was placed was unbelievably soothing, and that the blankets were thick enough to keep him warm when it gets too cold anyway. A small sigh escaped him, arms and legs limp. He sat cross-legged in his bed after he woke up, not finding it in himself to walk out the door to check on everybody else. He knew it was still too early, judging from the small rays of the sun that peeked inside his room. Maybe the others were still asleep, and he did not want to bother them. That was when he found himself unconsciously reaching out to hold the small earring between two fingers, toying with it, as if trying to memorize its shape. A few moments passed and he realized that he had pulled it off his ear, as it now lay unmoving in his palms. He felt the sharp sting of upcoming tears just looking at it. Memories of his past, all his barriers, all the walls that he had put around himself that kept him from falling all crumbled to the ground, leaving him defenseless. For once, behind the curtains of the four-poster bed, he entrusted his whole being, his dignity. He let the tears fall. For his family. His friends. Everybody. He did not trust anybody to understand his pain. Not everybody knew how close his clan was, how tight their bond. Nobody knew about their fears, their tragedies, nor did anybody know about how much they had suffered from those who sought them out. Nobody can understand, because everybody did not give them a second glance, only seeing them as priceless jewels who held eyes that were gold placed in glass jars. He opened his eyes despite how much he tried to hide the tears. He glanced back at the small diamond earring, finding his own small reflection in the metal clasp that held it. The metal itself glowed the intense fire of crimson, mirroring his own eyes. For minutes, he found himself engaged in a staring game, him against himself that was engraved in the smooth surface of the metal clasp. Those eyes. Those scarlet eyes that glowed what supposed to be one of the most beautiful colors in the world. They were the reason why he had lost everything. Bursting into a silent rage, he shut his eyes closed again, refusing to look at them in their scarlet state. He closed his hand into a fist, not caring if the sharpness of the small gem pierced through his skin like a knife. To him, the pain was actually soothing, making him forget the other pain that tried to suffocate him inside his chest; the pain that trapped his heart. He found himself falling back on the bed, with the chains attached in his other hand jingling against each other. Tears were flowing uncontrollably now, the sound of the chains just intensifying his rage. Why was he crying, one might ask? Because it was painful. Because he was angry. Because he was hurting, and he felt as if he was alone. No. He knew, in his heart, he was alone. Despite everything, despite his friends' kindness, they did not know who he was. Why was he alive to begin with? Was this a way for the gods to mock him? Why did those bastards who killed everybody leave him out? Why didn't he just die with everyone else? Maybe if he did, he'll still be with them in a much more better place than the world that considered them not as humans but as priceless jewels. Another tear. And another. He lost count. "Why?" * * * * * Leorio found himself outside the doors of what was supposed to be Kurapika's room. Why he was there at such an ungodly early hour, he did not know. All he knew was that he wasn't able to sleep last night. He supposed the mention of the younger boy's name would be unnecessary, he knew fully well who occupied his mind ever since they decided to leave for Killua's house anyway. He sighed. He knew he shouldn't be doing this. It was too early, and the sun had barely risen. He knew Kurapika did not want to be disturbed, more than anything else. But he also knew that he had to reassure himself of something, something he still could not quite grab what. He thought that maybe if he could just see him, even just for a second, the feeling would subside and he'll be given enough peace to help him sleep. "Just a small peek, and I'll leave," he said, to try and explain himself to no one in particular. Thus being settled, he took a deep breath and held the knob. Part of him knew this was a grave sin, to disturb Kurapika at so early in the morning, and he almost wished that Kurapika had remembered to lock the door. But the boy did not, and Leorio knew he can't go back now that he took the first step. Bracing himself, he pushed open the almost heavy door, eyes darting quickly to scan for the bed. Finding what he was looking for, and seeing the small silhouette of Kurapika's frame dancing in the shadows, he knew he had seen enough and that he must go back. But just before he could turn back, a small sound betrayed the silence. He stopped. It was a sob. Confused and disbelieving what he had just heard, he turned back to check the room again. It took him quite a few moments to notice the small movements that the shadow emitted behind the thin curtains of the bed. Is he awake? he asked himself, taking an uneasy step inside. More importantly, is he all right? Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Kurapika would not appreciate him meddling into his businesses. Because surely, the young boy didn't want anybody to know his problems, least of all to try and seek someone else's help. He was always like that. But it was too late to think of that now. He was now standing a few inches away from the bed, close enough for him to make out Kurapika's form. The young man had his back to him, and his shoulders shook violently. He was crying, that he was sure of now. Though why Kurapika, of all people, was doing so remained to him a mystery. Reaching out to take a hold of the curtain to part it, he could only pray that Kurapika would let him in. Even just this once. * * * * * Tearful eyes opened slowly, the sobs subsiding for now. He felt small movements behind him, and as reflex, he turned back to see who it was. His eyes widened. "L-Leorio?" The older man nodded once, eyes cast down, as if he couldn't find it in himself to look at him. His momentary shock was now replaced by rage. Thin eyebrows furrowed into a glare, his eyes shining through the darkness of the room. His right hand came up to wipe the tears away, now pulling himself up to catch the other's eyes. "What are you doing here!?" he asked, sitting up to push Leorio away from his bed. He had not meant to be so forceful when he did it, but the anger and frustration from a while ago, with the discomfort and shame he now felt for being seen the way he was, all added up to make him feel so violent. Leorio found himself off balanced for a while. After finding his footing though, he was thrown off again by an enraged Kurapika, his eyes reflecting anger. But what caught him the most was those eyes of fiery red were now tearing up yet again, and even amidst the painful words that Kurapika was giving him, the young boy was crying. Not knowing what else to do, he held up both hands to catch Kurapika's to at least stop his outburst. He was definitely stronger than the other when it comes to physical strength, and he was easily able to hold Kurapika still. The young man struggled for him to let go, hissing under his breath, yet was forced back to sit on the bed by the strong arms that held him. "Kurapika, calm down!" shouted Leorio, breaking through the other boy's voice of protests. The older man's hand came up to the other's shoulders, trying to shake him awake. The youth's words died down in his lips, and the hands that tried to hit the doctor earlier fell limp on the other's wrists. His head fell down, shoulder shaking uncontrollably from the new tears. Much as he tried to stop, much as he tried to put up the exterior he was supposed to have, he could not stop the tears. No matter how much he cursed them away, they still came back to the river that now flowed down his cheeks. Brown eyes softened as they gazed down at his friend. One hand came up to cup the other's cheek, vainly wiping away the tears that stained their warmth. "What's wrong?" he asked, bending down to catch the boy's eyes. But he refused to look back, eyes tightly shut, tears after new tears coming down. "It hurts," was all the young one said, his head shaking as if he refused to say anything more. What was wrong with him? Kurapika was never like this. Despite how young he was, he was the most mature among all four of them. In fact, he was more mature than any other person he knew. To see the young one cry like this was most probably the last thing Leorio would ever imagine. But it was happening despite his attempts to deny what he was seeing. Kurapika, the one so strong, the one who's seen almost always quiet and detached, was breaking down. "What's wrong? What hurts?" he asked, almost desperately. Not finding the answers to his questions, nor the things he tried to seek out, Leorio came up to pull Kurapika to him despite how much his mind debated against it. Least to say, he wouldn't be surprised if Kurapika would struggle away and throw him out of his room. But none of those came about. Instead, the young boy's sobs increased, and the violence from which he shook under his arms was gravely disturbing the doctor. He felt his own hands shaking. He was afraid. The strongest person he had ever come to know was now in his arms, crying like a small child, holding unto him as if he'd get lost if he let go. Knowing that he won't get any response from the other boy, he decided to just stay and keep quiet. He was afraid to break the moment, afraid that if Kurapika would wake up to be himself again, he'll reject him. Like he always does. Laying his head on the other boy's own, he closed his eyes, pushing away the sounds of the other's sobs. He sought him for comfort, like he wont to do when things get too complicated, and pretended as if he did not hear anything. The pain of his concern for the young Kuruta was obviously too much, already to a fault. He had nothing else to do but to hold him, whispering words of comfort he doubted would even reach the other's ears. Minutes passed and the sobs died down. Leorio felt Kurapika grow limp, the signs of steady breathing evident. He was asleep. Leorio watched in silence as the boy slept, head resting on his chest. A hand unconsciously came up to wipe away the tears that blemished the boy's cheeks, then moved to fix the hair that clung to face. His working hand then came down to fix the collar of Kurapika's night clothes, putting back the button that somehow came undone and dusted off the creases of his sleeves. But while doing so, his eyes ran across a stain that gravely caught his attention. Blood. Looking around, there already was enough sunlight to aid his sight. True enough, the red stains that were scattered across the bed, and both his and Kurapika's clothes, were blood. Confused as to where they could have come from, he looked down at the young boy, his eyes scanning his sleeping form, stopping momentarily at the closed fist of his left hand. His free hand came down to hold the other's fist, opening them gently. He frowned. Deep cuts wounded the delicate flesh, blood still flowing from some of them. And amidst all these, a small, and very familiar gem met his gaze. The blood clothed it enough to make it almost red itself, making it lose its sparkle. Leorio picked it up between two fingers, staring at it before placing the cursed object inside his pocket. Using his sleeves, thankful now that they were longer than needed, he clothed Kurapika's bleeding hand in his own. Slipping out of the curtained bed, he stood up, the small frame of the young boy cradled in his arms. The bed was too stained for Kurapika to sleep in, and he decided to just give him his room. His insomnia just became worse anyway, and he did not feel like sleeping. Stopping first to take a new set of clothes for Kurapika to wear when he wakes up--knowing that the other won't appreciate him doing it himself--he opened the door carefully lest he drop his precious load. He slipped outside, making his way towards his own room, reminding himself to call in any awake servant to clean up Kurapika's. Outside the curtained windows, the sun has already risen. The sky was clear of any clouds, and the birds have started to sing their daily songs. But all remained ignored as the worried doctor watched over his best friend, rolling the bandage between the younger one's delicate fingers. Silently, oblivious to everything else, the young Kuruta slept. Peace reigned his dreams, from a touch alien yet comforting, his slumber unmarred by nightmares for the first time in years. End of Chapter 6 A/N: Whew! Took longer than I thought! About Kurapika-sama's earring, I don't know if it has any significance at all, but oh well, this is a fanfic anyway, ne? ^_^ - Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)
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Part 7
Mask of Innocence Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic. Notes: Two chapters in one day ^_^ Make-up chapter for not being able to update more often than I should. Chapter 7 - Words and Secrets "...And I will not tolerate you getting into your intimate practices here in my house, especially not when Killua or Miruki or any member of my family or household is present. And I want you to stay away from Miruki, he won't be much a good companion for you. Do not, I repeat, do not even dare to harm Karuto, I will never forgive you. And do not piss Killua off, lest you want to be decapitated..." Hisoka merely nodded his head for the umpteenth time. Frankly, he can't understand why Illumi was being so uptight, all he did was but a few minor teases here and there. And was it his fault he found Illumi sexy? That the younger boy was too beautiful for his own good sometimes and he couldn't help wanting to reach out for him? No, he was free from that crime, it wasn't as if it was he himself who fixes what Illumi wears or how Illumi moves. Not that he found anything wrong with that either, it was actually a very interesting thought. As for Killua, he's being such a sharp-tongued brat who obviously hates him, and Hisoka need not search for any more reason to not fool around with the boy. It was gravely tempting to do so, especially when there was Gon. Oh, and Kurapika as well, and even that other guy, Leorio was it? Yes, definitely been a while since he got into those young-ones' blood pressures. He sighed, trying not to feel bored at the authoritative tone Illumi had in him. His eyes darted out of the small gazebo to rest upon the warm grass of the vast gardens. He then watched the leaves of the vines that clung to the marble pillars sway with the gentle winds. It was funny really, he never would've thought he would appreciate such simple things. He was almost always preoccupied with something else that he had come to neglect such little wonders to the eyes. Even the flowers have started to catch his attention. Oh hell. I'm really getting very soft, he told himself, wincing slightly. He shook his head, only a small movement that he doubted if Illumi even caught it. One side of his lips tugged in a smile of dismissal, closing his eyes to look away from the absurdity from which his thoughts had just recently wandered to. An arm came up from its crossed position with the other to put a supporting finger on his temples, easing the momentary blur that just came up. "Hisoka." It took him a few seconds to open his eyes and acknowledge the young man in front of him. And by the time he did, Illumi was glaring. "Have you been listening to anything I was trying to tell you?" he asked irately, obviously not amused as Hisoka was. Unfortunately for him, the magician just shrugged and swayed his hand around. Hisoka turned his back and started walking out of the gazebo. "Yes, of course, Illumi-kun. I'm not allowed to touch your baby brothers or sister, not allowed to play around with your household servants, my mouth should be zipped at almost all times, no jokes, no tricks, no sex..." he paused, then turned back. "Are you sure about that 'no sex' thing? That's very hard to do considering the fact that---" "Enough!" Illumi heaved a gruff sigh a slipped past Hisoka, inevitably brushing his shoulders roughly with the other's own since Hisoka was positioned almost blocking the opening of the gazebo. He ignored the constant tingling of clothed skin against clothed skin. He still didn't understand why a person such as Hisoka could ever force certain reactions from him that he couldn't control. He was only thankful that he has been trained to hide feelings and emotions, lest he would risk letting the magician know his state and risk letting him use that weakness to his advantage. "Look, if you're so pissed with me, why did you even invite me here?" came the voice from behind him, making him stop in his tracks. Illumi's head shifted to one side, glancing back at Hisoka over his shoulder. He bit his lip once, willing himself to search for the right words to say. Finding only jumbled words with unintelligible meanings, he shook his head. "I'm not pissed," he started, echoing Hisoka's words, still figuring out what else to say. "And I invited you here because..." What? Why did he ask Hisoka to come with him? Remembering Miruki's phone call, and how his very own words and confessions surprised even him, he found himself even more confused. Why did he change from being a silent, uncaring loner to this just as silent yet softening young male that momentarily just scolded the magician with words that more than reached their small-numbered limits. He frowned, black, cat-like eyes shifting to the swaying flowers beside the staircase. He could feel the piercing eyes that held him in his place, feeling them see more than what he intended to show. And deep in his mind he knew why, yet until now he still could not accept it. I don't want to be away from him again. But amidst all these clouded faults he found in himself--because truly, the way he felt for the magician was a fault--the voice yet again pulled him back to where he left off. "Because what, Illumi?" Hisoka asked, voice void of any teases or of any sort. Dark eyes furrowed into a glare, directed to who or what, he did not know. Giving Hisoka one last look, he turned his head and continued walking back to the mansion. No words were needed to be said nor explained. It can't be true. None of it is. After a few weeks, or as given with his father's permission, Hisoka shall leave the premises of their territory. And as for him, as a member of the family, he shall stay and go on with his duties as before. Both he and Killua will. No more protests, no more questions or considerations. And he's not dreading it. He must not. He refused to yield to the sudden ache that rose up from him just thinking about it. He cursed himself, his body, for surrendering to the magician's ministrations from the very start. Maybe if they hadn't met, maybe if he didn't take that accursed walk in the city, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he'd still be himself, and Hisoka...he'll remain nothing more than a man he admired, a man who asks for his services like all of his clients do. Unknown to the retreating Zoldick member, a sigh escaped Hisoka's lips. Eyes closed to ease him from the thick tension that just came about between himself and Illumi, willing himself to stop trying to steal glances of Illumi walking away from him. Had he really meant to insult him, or least to say force him to say things he would not normally admit even to himself? He didn't know. Maybe because he needed reassurance. Sure as he may be that Illumi wanted him as much as he wanted him, he realized that there was something more he wanted to be sure of. He had wanted Illumi to the point of obsession, almost always trying to search for him in every corner of the mansion even if the very structure made him dizzy just with the size of it. What started out as an experiment, a game, turned out to be more complicated than he had thought. Glancing back only to see that the garden was already empty, he walked back further inside the fairly small gazebo and sat himself on one of the marble rails. The winds blew at him gently, easing his face from the strands of hair that made their way to shield his eyes. But none of it, not the wind, the flowers, nor the sun, could ever ease the heaviness that made its way inside of him. End of Chapter 7 A/N: Ai-ya...Hisoka-sama's getting soft AND out of character >.< Is he? Is he, is he? *looks around desperately* If he is, then I must do something to put him back to how he is! Or at least, somewhat how he is with Illumi-sama around. Comments for this chapter will be VERY appreciated! >.< - Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)
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Part 8
Mask of Innocence Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic. Notes: Again, sorry for the late update. I think you people are tired of my excuses already, so now, I'll just settle for an apology. I'm so sorry, I hope everyone would understand that school is going on *sighs*. I really can't find the needed time for all my fanfics. But anyway, I'd like to thank Hozumi Goda-sama for being Leorio's voice actor (I'm VERY in love with Leorio now!!! *hearts popping out*), and I dedicate this chapter especially for him! *swoons* Shounen ai alert, I'm still not sure with Gon and Killua though. Maybe I should just leave them be...but I just might change my mind. Like I always do =P Chapter 8 - Changes The sun proudly smiled above the blue skies, with no clouds to limit its intensity. Its warmth spread across the vast gardens of the Zoldick mansion, in tune with the gentle breeze that would constantly blow through the magnificent vegetation, past his hair and clothes, tickling the skins of his cheeks and arms and legs. It's already been a week since he and his friends had stayed with Killua in their home. Though there would be times when he would notice that something's bothering two of his friends, he's now happy to say that the problem, whatever it was, had somehow passed. During the first parts of their trip, he had noticed that those two were being too quiet. Not that silence wasn't Kurapika's style though. What bothered him with his older friend was that his movements, supposedly done with a certain kind of grace and confidence, became somehow fidgety, if not unguarded and clumsy. He would always look at Leorio in a way that he had never seen the golden haired boy look at the older man before, least to say looked at anybody at all. As for Leorio, his silence had been unnerving. Even though he would still be himself at times and smile and joke around with them, he supposed that he just felt a certain kind of stirring inside the doctor. There was a kind of uneasiness that bothered the older man. And the very fact that he didn't seem to want to be near the one who was supposed to be his best friend at the moment was not at all helping. Gon sighed, a small smile playing on his young lips. But everything's okay now. He didn't know what happened, but right after that day when Kurapika suddenly disappeared from his room, and right after they found out that Leorio's door had been locked the whole morning 'till the middle of the afternoon then, everything changed. Or as he might say, everything went back to normal. If possible, things had been better. Leorio and Kurapika were talking again, and if only he didn't doubt it, he could see a new emotion building behind the eyes of the two. A sense of completeness and satisfaction. Though why it had suddenly come about, he did not know for sure. Leaning his chin on the hands that rested on the wooden window, he grinned, thoughts drifting to Killua. He wondered if anything of the sort would happen between them. As far as he could remember, he had never fought with the young boy, maybe a few insults here and there, but that's different. Killua once told him before that Kurapika was too serious for his and Leorio's own good. He couldn't exactly remember the words, but he supposed that that was how it had meant. He and Killua on the other hand, were open and at ease with each other. That was why Gon loved Killua dearly. Though many people would say that he loved practically everybody, which was true, he could safely say that Killua was special to him. He always had friends, but his attachment to Killua was different from the friendships he's had before. Which was why, at times, it would always scare him to even think about the possibility that he and Killua would be parting someday. He knew that Killua has a future in his family, and that the boy was obliged to be what his family asks him to be. But never did Gon really accept the notion that he might just lose Killua because of that. The smile that played on the young boy's lips drifted elsewhere, a frown marring his child's face. He hesitantly glanced over the heavy doors just a few feet beside him that served as a barrier between him and his friend. He was waiting for Killua actually. His light-haired best friend had been called by his father, saying that they have to talk about something. Gon had decided to wait outside the room. But he can't help but wonder what they were talking about. As if on cue, the knob from inside the heavy doors sounded. One door then opened, revealing a familiar frame. Gon smiled again, his previous thoughts forgotten momentarily as he approached Killua. "What took you so long?" came his bright question. But without word nor warning, a light body launched itself at him, trapping him in a tight hold. Brown eyes widened at the sudden action, his only reflex was to lift his arms to rest them on the small body that was strongly pressed up on his, a worried expression crossing him. Uneasily, he finally voiced out, "Killua?" Killua didn't move, but Gon could feel the other boy's face on his neck, his breath sweeping through his skin as he replied. "Gon?" was his first call. Was it just him, or did that voice just tremble? "No matter what happens, I'll still be your friend, right?" Gon blinked. Huh? Confused, the dark-haired boy pulled away, holding Killua's wrists as he guided them away from his shoulders. "What are you talking about?" he asked, not able to hide his worry. Killua merely shook his head. "You'll still be my best friend, right?" came the insistent question, wide, cat-like eyes meeting his in an almost desperate gaze. "Even if I'm far away, even if we're not together, nothing will change, right? We'll still be friends?" Gon blinked again. "Far away? Not together? Killua, what are you talking about?" "Answer me!" Tears. Killua...tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. Gon was in near panic. He didn't know what to do. What was wrong? Why was Killua acting like this? He had always remembered Killua as someone who's always happy and filled with life. Never had he seen his friend like this, desperate and miserable, as if the whole world was just about to crash down on him. "O-of course, Killua," he finally said, hoping that it could ease his friend somewhat. "Always?" asked the other boy, pressing the matter. Gon need not think about his reply. Without missing a beat, he nodded. Killua, again, had him in a fierce hold not a split second after he had nodded. But before the boy had done so, Gon could've sworn he saw relief flood through Killua's face. He could feel Killua smiling behind him, and he could feel those arms tightening around him, as if he would go away if the hold wouldn't be strong enough. Slowly, if not warily, his own arms snaked around Killua to return the hug loosely. No more smiles, and he closed his eyes, feeling the silent beat of Killua's heart over his. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. He could feel it in Killua's shaking form, he could feel it from the memory of his voice just a few minutes ago. Turning his head to look at Killua, though failing, he knotted his dark brows in a more concerned expression. But heedless of what he felt, all he could think about now was that he must comfort Killua. The boy didn't seem to be planning to talk, so Gon had kept the silence between them if that was what Killua wanted. Pushing back his questions for later, he sighed, leaned his head on his friend's shoulder, and prayed that it was enough to calm Killua's maddened heart. * * * * * The soft clink of glass against marble sounded through with the light winds that circled about him. The sweet taste of the beautifully red liquid soothed his thirst. He had finished the whole glass in one gulp, and now he was pouring himself yet another serving. But his companion didn't seem to share his fondness for the drink. The younger boy's glass remained untouched, the small signs of dew touching the smooth outside surfaces. Fogged blue eyes just stared at it, the expression unreadable. But nevertheless, the pale boy sat there as if the innocent juice would swallow him alive, as if he wouldn't dare touch it at all. Setting down the pitcher beside his own glass, the sweetness forgotten, Leorio spoke. "Kurapika?" he called the boy across from him, gazing down at him through slightly covered eyes. "Anything wrong?" But the boy remained still, his disturbing staring game with his glass still ensuing. Even the small treats on his small platter remained untouched. Leorio frowned. "Kurapika," he called again. Not receiving the recognition that he wanted, he sighed and stood up. Leaning on the table for support, he waved a shaking hand in front of the other boy's eyes, meaning to wake him up from his daze. And finally, after a few seconds of waving and snapping his fingers, Kurapika's eyes widened, shifting his clouded vision to the worried man in front of him. "L-Leorio," he muttered out, coming back to the real world finally. The frown that marred the doctor's face didn't leave him. "What's wrong?" he asked, repeating his last question. But only broken thoughts circled around Kurapika's head. Eyes. Death. Pains. Blood. Vengeance. Kurapika bent his head down, not looking at the other's eyes. But he could still feel the other's gaze, studying him, persisting, his question left hanging, unanswered. He had promised himself that he would be more open to Leorio, that he owed them both that much after all that has happened. But still, there were times that he would feel that the very act of opening himself up was too difficult, considering that he wasn't much of the kind who'd open up so easily. But that was when he realized that he wasn't the only one that was like that. Frowning, he stole a glance of Leorio across from him. Like himself, the doctor hasn't opened up much himself, has he? They both know Gon and Killua, but not themselves. Ironic. Leorio noticed that the expression on Kurapika's face has changed. He blinked. He was about to ask again if something was bothering the younger boy, but he beat him to it. "Leorio--" "Master Leorio? Master Kurapika?" Both frames stiffened at the sound of the third voice. Brown and blue eyes alike turned to the direction from which the voice had come from, the words and questions left hanging around them. The thickness of the tension around them wasn't helped by the presence of the well-suited servant, looking at them with the cold, passive expression most of the people in the mansion wore. "Master Sillva would like to have a word with you," he told them, eyeing them blankly. The only movement between the other two though was a slight shifting of the head, one looking at the other. For a few moments they remained as that. Neither of them knew if they should say anything, or stand up and follow the older man. It was Kurapika who broke away. The young boy sighed. "We should go," he said wearily, pushing back his seat to stand up. Leorio watched wordlessly as Kurapika walked away towards the servant. Words were exchanged, unheard by the doctor though, but he could hardly care. Various thoughts circled around his head. What was happening between him and Kurapika anyway? Was he right in saying that things had finally changed for the better? What fool he seemed to be to actually think that Kurapika would trust him as much. It only seemed like they were back to square one. But further thoughts left him as a soft warmth crept itself in his hand. Blinking himself back to reality, he was then met by the most beautiful pair of smiling blue eyes, looking up at him with an unreadable expression, yet not exactly negatively. Confused by the sudden action, Leorio blinked again. "Ku-Kurapika?" "I told the man to just wait for us at the front door," he said. The hand that was distinctly Kurapika's tightened its hold, the smile not leaving the other boy. "We should go," he said again, pulling the doctor gently to get a move on. Dismissing past thoughts in the back of his mind, Leorio finally decided to smile. He and Kurapika may not be as close as he wanted them to be, but nevertheless, this closeness, this intimacy, it could be enough. Looking at Kurapika now, his eyes gazing up at him with no less than trust and a special recognition for him, he could feel his own emotions welling up inside of him. He was wrong. Kurapika did trust him. "Suki da, Kurapika," he said, almost unconsciously. But he didn't regret the words even if they surprised even himself. After all, there's nothing to regret if what you said was true. And the innocent redness that spread across the perfect pale porcelain that was Kurapika's cheeks was priceless. Leorio reminded himself to say that more often. He let out a small chuckle. "You're right, let's go," he said, pulling away from the beautiful youth. As for Kurapika, though still half-consciously dwelling on those words, he snapped awake. He watched silently as Leorio walked away, only to turn around and eye him expectantly, as if calling for him to come to him. Sighing, he shook his head, and much as he tried to suppress it, the small growing grin on his face betrayed his serious expression. Soon, he was on his feet, beside the older man, his smile never as sincere nor as unmarred as they had ever been. Maybe this could work out. Even if secrets were still kept, he believed his rare optimism for once, he knew that Leorio would never hurt him. And he had firmly told himself that he will never hurt him in any way as he had done once before. No more pain. For Leorio, for both of them. He looked up at Leorio. Thank you, were the unsaid words, still not finding the courage to say it out loud. But that, like everything else, will come out sooner or later. Because now, after years of loneliness and meaningless existence, he finally had faith in something once again. His obsession for revenge was not anymore the reason why he was alive. End of Chapter 8 Suki da - I like you A/N: *still swooning* Leorio-sama, be mine, be mine~!!! *hearts popping out, hugging a Leorio plushy* (Hai! Baka Che-chan had done this chapter while listening to Leorio-sama sing with Kurapika-sama!) So I guess that explains the *cough* waff *cough* in this chapter between them. Oh, and another thing. Can somebody please send me the translations of Tobira? If someone has it, please please do share, I'll beg if I have to!!! As for Gon and Killua...I'm still not sure if I should add a few hints of Gon/Killua. Ehehe...if there is in this chapter, ehe, go judge for yourself, okay? ^_^' Thank you for reading! And lastly, to Nikki-sama, Assassin for a Lover was great! *bows gratefully* I hope you get to make more fanfics like that in the future. Neeee...Kurapika/Leorio, please?? *puppy dog eyes* I'll be your slave forever! -Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)
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Part 9
Mask of Innocence Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic. Notes: Er...no notes right now. I'm still in love with Leorio-sama! *gets hit with a flying chair* Ehehe! Am I being too persistent with it? ^_^' Chapter 9 - Nightly Rounds Soft dark hair moved silkily through the fine brush, the smoothness of the handle easing his shaking fingers as he dully worked his way through his fine mane. But the beauty that he would always find in easing the non-existent tangles of his hair strangely wasn't with him that night, as he remained unmoved by the very ritual that he does before he went to bed. Blank eyes of pure ebony stared listlessly at the other things he had on his night table, but he didn't find it in himself to recognize them as things he owned. He sighed, finally setting the brush down. But he remained seated on his bed, his eyes still staring into space, as if he didn't see anything. Only the stern face of his father and his authoritative voice existed in his head. And the expression on Killua's face; he knew that if only he was a bit more expressive, his and the younger boy's expressions would've been like mirrors for each other's own. "Oniisama?" A small voice. Unlike everything else, that small thing miraculously found itself inside his dazed mind. Illumi found himself moving to look up to where the voice had come from. Settling his gaze on the narrow crack by his door, he found himself looking into big, dark eyes, their blankness reflecting the child-like innocence as they looked up at him as if in fear. If it was only possible for his emotionless face, his expression would've softened. "Karuto," he found himself saying. The young girl nodded her head, daring to push the door more openly. She waited for her brother's consent, and was awarded soon as Illumi nodded his head. She approached him, giving him and herself a few feet of space as she looked up at him. But no words left her, and the young girl looked down at her hands as her fingers laced around each other, fidgeting in the hem of her sleeves. Seeing that his younger sister wasn't able to speak, Illumi took the initiative. "What is it?" he asked her, his form still straight and poised as he sat in place. Though Karuto has always been a girl of a much similar poise if not more, it was obvious that her shoulder shook beneath the dimness of the room. Confused, Illumi bent down to at least try and meet the girl's gaze when he received no response. It wasn't everyday that he would speak with his sister, so he didn't know how to approach her. In fact, they hardly speak at all. He would always be out working and she will always be with their mother, staying with her or studying with her. His only connection with Karuto was that they were of the same family, but everything just stops there. Every once in a while, they'll interact, even help each other, but they're all very formal. "Anou...oniisama?" came the small voice finally, her pale face looking up to him now as she stood her ground. The blank expression that had been the trademark of most members of their family didn't seem to grace the girl that night, for a look of uncertainty tainted the pale prettiness of her child's face. Was that fear? Or maybe it was something else... Was that worry? "Are you all right?" Maybe most people won't expect him to ask that. Maybe most people would expect him to raise a cold brow towards his sister, and shun her until she miserably walks out of his room for disturbing him. Maybe most people would expect him not to care. But who ever said that the majority is always right? Karuto didn't seem to expect that question though. If possible, she grew more nervous after she saw the look of concern painted on her brother's face. Maybe it was because she never saw him show much emotion, he didn't know. It's not like Karuto ever showed any expression at all herself, this was actually the first time he saw her like this. Only now did he remember that Karuto was just a small girl, a few years younger than Killua. Her innocence was visible in all its glory to him now. "About...Hisoka-san," she started hesitantly. Her voice dropped in volume when she spoke that last name, as if she'll receive a blow from her brother just by saying it. And sure enough, her gaze dropped to the floor once again. If one would be keen enough to see it, a thin brow rose from cat-like eyes in a sign of query. Just as hesitantly, he spoke. "What about him?" he asked her, keeping his voice leveled despite the growing fear in him. Did Karuto suspect anything? Maybe he was wrong to use such a cold tone. He regretted using it at all when he saw the young girl shake beneath his gaze, hiding herself from his piercing eyes, like a snail hiding in its shell. But Karuto was determined, whatever her purpose was. She remained in her place. Even if her responses were slow and hesitant, she still found a way to speak them out. "What is he to you?" she asked, finally daring to look up and meet his gaze again. Illumi's eyes still scared her, but she knew that people wouldn't take her seriously if she wouldn't look them in the eye. These words were the very words she had learned from Illumi himself, at the time she had accidentally heard him scolding her other brother, Killua. And ever since then, every time she could catch them, she would make it a point to listen, risking being caught just to hear her eldest brother's words. She may not be close to him, but she respected him as much as she respected her father and grandfathers, and she knew from the very day she was born that she had a great brother to look up to. She supposed that that was the reason why she came here in the first place. To see if she can still find the great brother she knew she has. "I've seen you with him..." she continued quietly. "Is he...is he your friend, like Gon is Killua's friend?" she asked him, her voice trembling. Illumi didn't know how to answer these questions. But why was Karuto asking him these in the first place? "Why are you interested?" he asked back, still not knowing if he should answer at all. Much as he cared for his sister, he suppose that it was just natural to act this coldly. He was known for it anyway. Karuto frowned. "It's just that...Gon once took Killua away from us," she answered. "What if...what if your friend would take you away as well?" A sob. "Miruki told me that you didn't want to come home. He said that you didn't care about the family anymore, like Killua never cared. He said that I should stay away from you because you will leave us. I never listened to Miruki, but--" Yes. Karuto was definitely crying now. "Who told you to believe him?" answered Illumi. He only watched her cry, but deep inside he was near panic. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. Where was the cold child that he knew? Where was the Karuto that he knew? "I've seen you with him! You were never close to anybody, that's why outosama and ojiisama trusted you. And you always did everything right. But if you would act like Killua--" She broke off right there. She sobbed again. "You will leave us like he will." Illumi was dumb-founded. Just a few minutes ago, he had known Karuto to be this young girl who barely knew him, least of all cared for him. It was a wonder how a few tears could change his view of her that lasted for all these years. Confused and not knowing what he should do, Illumi settled in resting a hand on the young girl's head. "Karuto," he called her. Can she feel that he wanted to comfort her? He didn't know who made the move, whether or not he was the one who pulled her or if it was she who walked up to him. But nevertheless, the next thing he knew was that Karuto now leaned on his chest, letting him settle his arms around her lithe frame as she buried her face on his shoulder. "Why?" What he meant with that question, he didn't know for sure. But he knew he meant to know what exactly Karuto meant with her strange words. Why was this young girl so disturbed, just because she saw him with Hisoka? Surely, she hadn't seen them in their intimate moments, Illumi had taken great care that they wouldn't be seen. But one thing bothered him especially though. It was the notion that he would leave his family. Could it be possible? Those years of loyalty and hard work, those years of seeking his elders' respect, will they be wasted after all? Just a few days ago, Illumi had feared that he actually might do just so, that whatever the feelings he bore for Hisoka were strong enough to actually blind him to doing such a horrendous act of betrayal. But now that he faced his younger sister, with the new revelation at how much she had looked up to him, his state of denial wasn't getting any better. But maybe "denial" wasn't the right word. Maybe he just refused to do such an act. And now, he knew the reason why. Much as Hisoka had grown to be important to him, so was his family. And if he was to choose, he didn't know which side to take. But surely, he knew what to tell Karuto. "It's okay," he whispered, caressing the girl's dark hair as she lay still on him. "I'm not leaving. Neither is Killua. Stop listening to what Miruki says, all right?" A few moments passed, and he felt the tension in Karuto somehow subside. But her next words startled him gravely. "Is he your lover, oniisama?" Usually blank eyes were undeniably caught by surprise by then. His face betrayed his reputation as he tensed, shock flooding his pale features. He pulled Karuto away, holding her by her shoulders. She winced. Had he done it a bit too violently? He didn't mean to, he just couldn't help it. "It's okay, oniisama," Karuto said, shaking her head. "I'm not telling anybody." "H-How...?" was all Illumi could say. But a few seconds after that, he realize that by saying that very simple word, he had taken his chances of denying Karuto's words out. He had just admitted it merely in his state of shock. He winced, cursing his own carelessness. "I told you, I've seen you with him," she explained, her voice patient. "I'm not trained as a spy for nothing." True, he suppose that could explain it. Karuto was well trained for spying, she had done a number of such for the family before. He had underestimated just how good she was though by actually thinking he could keep such a secret from her with Hisoka's vulgarity. If he had wished to hide something, he shouldn't have been with the magician all in all. "Aa," he mumbled, nodding as if he understood. Karuto nodded as well. "But it's up to you if you want to keep it. I certainly will. I owe you that much," she said. Illumi frowned. "I didn't do anything for you. You owe me nothing," he told her. But Karuto shook her head. "You're my brother, and you had made me respect you. I hate Miruki, and Killua is almost as young as I am. You're the only one whom I can look up to, and that's enough to last me a thousand favors from you," she said, almost shyly. She had kept her gaze from him again. She leaned more bravely now as she wrapped her arms around Illumi's neck, hiding her face beneath her brother's jaw. "That's why I'm afraid to lose you." Illumi could feel the small pain in his chest when he listened to those words. Never had he imagined that this day would come wherein he'd finally be able to speak with Karuto this way, and hear her say such words that made her look like a child to him. But that was what Karuto was, a child. But her mind is more mature than anybody else he knew, and he was thankful. And he wanted her to know it. Stealing a glance of the young girl on his chest, he sighed. The arms that wrapped around her small body tightened. No more words were exchanged between them both, but Illumi knew Karuto could hear his unspoken words. Thank you. * * * * * Unknown to the two inside the room, a pair of narrow eyes watched them from behind the darkness of the hallway. A small grin played on those expressive lips, moving in tune with his own thoughts. "Well, that was cute," he said mockingly, careful not to be heard. But though he seem to take the scene as a joke, he knew inside that he was, at the very least, moved by the whole matter. So he was right. The little girl did hate him as he had suspected. Ch, maybe she just opted for the truth from Illumi because she failed in coughing up answers from him. Such a pity, that small girl. Her love for her brother sometimes clouds her supposedly intellectual mind. She was naive enough to threaten him before, telling him that she'll kill him if he would continue playing with Illumi. Yet, despite the searing anger in those child's eyes, he merely dismissed her coldly and went on his way. But one thing was for sure. He may not take a lot of things seriously, but Illumi was certainly not one of them. He didn't see the necessity in sharing Karuto that small piece of information though, he had a reputation to uphold after all. But nevertheless, that certain thought served as a reassurance. To him, that is. But though he had himself figured out, he didn't know anything about Illumi. One of the young man's words to his sister had bothered him even until now. I'm not leaving. Those were Illumi's exact words. A bitter smile graced the magician's cold features. Idiot. Didn't he know that by saying so, he just made his choice? A cold wind came to him suddenly, making him hold the silken robes to himself more tightly. But the coldness that tingled in his skin was no match to the chill that he felt inside of himself. His eyes drifted closed as he leaned on a nearby wall, listening to the silent breathing of Illumi from inside his room as he held his younger sister to him. A place that he knew he should be in instead. He winced. He sounded jealous. And not just that. He was jealous. The very fact angered him. Just a few days ago, he had admitted to himself the feeling he wouldn't even dare utter even when he was alone. He admitted that Illumi did mean something to him. And now, he was like a child, seeking the warmth of a mother who was caring for another child. Or better yet, a lover seeking his partner while he tended to things that were as important as he was. Or things that were more important than he was. If he was important at all. Hisoka cursed himself inwardly, wincing at his own thoughts, angry with his own lack of control. When had he started being so unguarded when it comes to emotions anyway? But that wasn't the main thing that bothered him at that moment. Warily, his gaze moved to the slightly opened doors of Illumi's room. The angle from which he leaned on the wall forbade him to see what was happening inside. But he was actually thankful he couldn't see, lest he himself would barge in there and pull Karuto away from Illumi's arms. He didn't especially hate Karuto, he could care less about a child who hates his guts or a child who accuses him of "stealing her brother from her". It was Illumi who disturbed him. Like a prayer, the whispered words escaped his lips. Prove me wrong, Illumi... End of Chapter 9 A/N: Two chapters in one night, an accomplishment for the idiot that I am! ^_^ I like this chapter, though I doubt that anybody's out of character, I have a feeling that some people might disagree. I don't know what the relationship is between Illumi and Karuto, so like Kurapika and his earring, I decided to play with them for a while. I'm a sucker for sibling relationships, sweetness between them makes me swoon. For those who know what's up with them, keep it to yourselves so I can still enjoy my little fantasy, ne? ^_^' As for Hisoka-sama, much as I want to lock him up with Gon in the same room to snap him out of his state, I just can't find the right situation for him =P So I just went for just keeping him as that. I just hope that the choice of words for him weren't TOO much out of character >.< - Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)
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Part 10
Mask of Innocence Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic. Notes: I'm falling in love with Illumi all over again *hearts popping out*. YAOI / shounen ai warnings again, but I think everyone knows that by now, ne? ^_^ Possible OOCness, my eternal nightmare. But I can't help it! >.< I mean, I'm writing a romance fanfic about two people who'd least likely have romance in their lives at all...ehe, er, forgive me now, okay? I try to make them as in character as possible anyway *teary eyes and bows down apologetically*. Chapter 10 - Clarity Illumi winced. The cold hands that held him were exceptionally strong, holding him so dangerously tight that he could feel those sharp nails cutting through his skin like a painfully dull knife. Unlike the times that he would savor them, those hungry, lustful, needy touches, right now just didn't seem to be the right time to admire their possessiveness. They were too much. The feelings they summoned inside of him were strangely different. Strangely...unpleasant. Another kiss. Why did that kiss suddenly seem so bruising? How did those fond, though inevitably brutal, kisses turn into this violent frenzy of claims that threatened to mark him as theirs? As if he'd just disappear if they weren't so strong. The taste of blood was suddenly sickening, and his gut had started to churn in his own dizziness by the time he had swallowed the small drops of that crimson life stream, their metallic taste marring, probably masking, the supposedly sweet taste of the magician's kisses. His fists came into tight balls of trembling fury. What was going on? Illumi frowned. Summoning up all his strength, he pushed away the heavy weight that pinned him to his familiarly soft bed. The momentary look of surprise, and if only he could believe it, hurt, that stained those usually cold eyes made him regret doing just that. But that split second of guilt returned to anger yet again when those uncharacteristically soft eyes turned back to the orbs of ice that seemed to slash him with their glare. "What?" came the snappy remark, white teeth baring in the moonlight as the magician hissed his protest. The young assassin could only do as much as glare back. "What's wrong with you?" he asked irately, taking note of the dripping blood that flowed down one side of his lips. Cold, pale fingers came up to nurse his own wound, and the young man winced at the minor pain it caused him at the slightest touch. Seeing the blood on the heavenly whiteness of his fingers, anger seethed through him like a burning river under his skin. He glared at his partner yet again. Hisoka narrowed one eye in an impatient expression. "What? It's not like I haven't made you bleed before," he said nonchalantly, turning to look away when-- Slap! The sharp pain that coursed through his cheek was unbearable. Sure, the extraordinary strength that the young assassin had put in that blow had been strong, but he could've sworn he had worse. But why did his skin burn so much that he could feel himself tearing apart? Surely there was no blood, but why did the very act of Illumi hitting him strike a nerve in him? "Are you awake now?" came the sudden question. Hisoka turned to meet those wide, yet cold eyes again. His skin burned even more painfully when he found nothing in those eyes, only a black abyss that had been Illumi's trademark for so long. But deep in his mind, Hisoka knew that those eyes had started to change whenever he looks at them before. He knew those eyes were starting to open the assassin's doors to him. But now...why did they suddenly close up again? "What?" was all he could hiss out, searching for answers he still did not know where to find. It was a wonder how his voice could still sound so cold despite the turbulence that ran through him. Has he really been so used to coldness that even his own inner conflicts had been locked up from the world? Has he really lost the ability to respond to warmth? "Get out." Perhaps he had. The look of pure venom in Illumi's face was enough to make him lose his confidence in looking straight into those eyes again. It's funny. He could threaten the most dangerous of Hunters but he couldn't even challenge this assassin in a staring game. He supposed that Illumi just had better eyes than him. Too bad for him then. Or maybe it was just cowardice. But heaven forbid, he of all people must never even be associated with such a word. "I said get out," came that cold voice again. When he looked up, he saw Illumi sitting up, his robes carelessly yet beautifully spread across his arms and back in a lose hold, just enough to hide him. The body may be hidden though, but it wasn't enough to seal images off the magician's mind. If only he could still hold him, touch him, feel him against his own skin again. It was too bad that he just had to use up all his chances. Judging from Illumi's expression, he supposed this night was over. But he's not leaving yet. Casually, he turned to one side and lied back on the soft bed. "Why?" he asked. He took care not to reveal anything, willing his voice to conceal his thoughts. He was successful. Though whether or not that's good or bad was beyond him. He could hear Illumi take a sharp breath. "Because you're starting to irritate me," came the quick answer. A bitter smile spread on his lips. Why were his grins suddenly replaced with bitterness anyway? "I see," he said, as if he just heard the most common thing in the world. Silence reigned in that dimly lit room for minutes that seemed like hours. Why was he there anyway? Just a while ago, he found himself snooping around his lover's personal life by listening to probably one of Illumi's most intimate moments. And now, as an answer to that burning need to have that girl away from his lover, regardless of the relationship, he is now in Illumi's arms again. Or at least, was in Illumi's arms anyway. After all those hours from when he had waited for Illumi's sister to leave, he just had to blow it now, didn't he? He would've laughed if not for the risk of further infuriating the younger man. What the hell was happening to him anyway? The room was quiet yet again. Whether or not it was comforting or disturbing, Hisoka couldn't decide. It seemed to have stayed there between them for about a couple of minutes more until he finally heard Illumi's voice through the thickening silence. "You'll be leaving in a week," he said, not meeting the magician's eyes. Dark eyes narrowed down into what seemed like mere slits, as he looked past the curtains, past the walls and windows, past the dark, starless sky. He could've sworn that for that split second, he couldn't see anything. Not that it was unpleasant. Sometimes, he would think that he'd be better off blind. Maybe he'd see less things fascinating. After all, his taste for strange and fascinating things was the very reason why he's in such a mess now anyway. But he didn't voice out his thoughts. He stayed still, one arm dangling from the edge of the bed as he continued staring out the window. The smirk that he wore was thankfully permanent in his features. He was thankful he still had his mask to hide in despite his twisted turn of thoughts. And heaven forbid, feelings, if he's even capable of possessing such monstrosities. "Is that so?" was all he mumbled out. His voice seemed cold and distant even to his own ears. He wondered what Illumi thought of it. Did the young man believe his act of playing things cool? Maybe, if they're both lucky, he would ride in. Maybe, this accursed affair would once and for all end. For heaven's sakes, he knew fully well that this wasn't supposed to happen. One night with the assassin was all he had planned, not...this! "My father said that he'll be expecting your departure on or before the week ends," Illumi replied, his voice just as hushed. Though he wasn't looking, Hisoka could feel those sharp, cat-like eyes bore through him. If only looks could kill, he'd be six feet under already from its intensity. Damn that insensitive bastard. Did he think that he's the only one capable of playing games here? "Fine. I'll leave tomorrow," he said, making sure he had his expression cold and emotionless before he turned to face Illumi finally. One eyebrow rose in a look of challenge. "There. Happy?" Was that surprise he saw in those eyes? Well, whatever they were, they were long gone before he could check again. No words escaped Illumi, for the young man only clutched his robe even tighter as he angrily looked away. So there. Maybe that was Illumi's answer to the thousands and thousands of questions that had been bugging his mind for the past few days lately. His questions about what Illumi planned to do, what he was to him, what he felt for him. Hisoka should've laughed now. Yeah right. As if the word can be associated with that cold bastard. It was as strange as associating it with he himself. They made such a good pair because of that, he supposed. A pair ruled by mere sexual urges, no strings attached. Heaving a gruff sigh, the magician finally pulled himself up, pulling out his own robe that had fallen on the floor. Carelessly fixing the tie that bound the two sides together, he half-consciously raked away the hair that had somehow grown to be disheveled because of his and Illumi's previous activity, carelessly ruined by himself by letting his frustrations get the better of him. Who could fucking blame him anyway? He kills when he's angry, was it his fault that violence was tainted in his veins? But for the record, he regretted hurting him. For whatever strange reason his crazy mind would fathom, at least he knew it was true. But he didn't think Illumi would believe him if he tried to explain himself. He didn't even give the younger man even the smallest glance. He stood up, summoning the will to walk out of that room without his head bowed. He wasn't, in any way, granting Illumi the satisfaction of seeing him in his own state of remorse. He'd much rather leave with his head high, despite being obviously rejected by somebody who had, by some miracle, moved something inside him enough to make him almost want to stay. His steps were quiet as he made his way through the carpeted floors of Illumi's room, intending to be out the door as quickly as his feet would let him. He was convinced that fate just wasn't on his side this time. Oh well, you can't get them all anyway, he told himself. But unlike his other egocentric self-speeches, this one for some absurd reason, was more on self-assurance than self-satisfaction. Because he would be a fool to say it didn't hurt. The room seemed deathly cold for some reason. He almost stopped when he felt his legs start to betray him, but his pride just wouldn't let him do so, he supposed. Bah. Maybe he just needed to kill somebody. The idea seemed tempting at the moment. He needed something to burst his anger on somehow. Illumi just didn't seem to be the right person though. But it wasn't only because he was in a place where only a fool would even dare point a knife on a member of the infamous family, he knew it in himself that though he may be a bit careless in handling the beautiful boy, he wouldn't be able to find it in himself to do anything fatal. To hell. He loved the guy. At least, that was what he thought it was. He never really knew what that word really meant. But that doesn't make much difference now, does it? He was now facing the huge doors that led out of the room. He wondered though, if he could only tell Illumi what he felt sooner, would the boy understand him enough to let him stay as long as he just did? Maybe, deep in his mind, he hoped that just maybe, Illumi might not even be the cold man that he made everybody believe. That scene with his sister seemed to be proof enough after all. He sighed, careful so that Illumi wouldn't hear. What's the point of thinking about things now, after all? Wasn't it a little bit too late? He held the knob in one hand and turned, but that was when he felt something both warm and cold take a hold of his wrist, twisting it almost too painfully. But Hisoka could hardly care. Blood started to pump more violently inside him now, shaking him, his chest threatening to burst. Well...perhaps he was mistaken for thinking so negatively. The door knob was then let go when that same mixture of coolness and warmth pulled him away. The movement was fast and almost impatient, and he almost missed the part where he collided with a warm body, only to be pushed against the hard wooden door, both body and mind trapped. The last thing he saw was a pair of furious, cat-like eyes he had both grown to hate and love before all of his kept up sanity slipped away from him as warm, aggressive lips captured his in a frenzied kiss. The kiss started out as almost violent, biting and pulling, tongues fighting for dominance as if their own life depended on it. Body pressed against body, skin meeting against skin in as much places as possible. Both pairs of strong and well-trained hands moved around, as if finding no satisfaction in the areas from which they have held and caressed, bruised and marked. But all haste and hunger ended as he started to taste the small amount of blood that seemed to drip from the fresh wound from Illumi's lips. That small hint of liquid moved him enough to make him lick the wound gently, willing the blood to stop rushing, the movements of his tongue slow and gentle, as if he were apologizing. Pulling the soft, slightly swollen lips between his own, he gently sucked in the saltiness of blood and the sweetness that was just natural from the younger boy, losing himself completely. They never kissed like this before. Never had their kisses been so gentle, sweet enough that he could almost feel what most people call "butterflies" inside of him. He didn't even realize it when his hands held Illumi's face soothingly, uncharacteristically careful this time, as if he held the most fragile and precious thing he had ever come to hold in his life. Well, perhaps he was. But all good things have to come to an end, and Illumi just had to pick out that time to put that stupid saying in check. He pulled away. Too abrupt, that ending was too abrupt. But fortunately, before the magician could protest and think that he was yet again rejected for the second time that night, the young assassin granted him one last kiss, with all the summed up gentleness that he had in him. Similar to what Hisoka just gave him, whose words and thoughts reflected what the other man just shared to him but a few moments ago. It lasted a few moments more, enough to make the magician feel at ease. It was a kiss that satisfied him enough that when the younger man pulled away again, he made no sign of protest, for when he opened his eyes, he met up with those deep, black eyes again, now void of the earlier anger and resentment. They weren't soulless anymore, and he was relieved to know that he had been wrong in thinking that he had seen the last of those eyes. They were filled with things both known and unknown to him, things that he himself wasn't able to comprehend. But it didn't matter, because the promise that Illumi held in those usually cold eyes were proof enough that he wasn't going anywhere. And his voice, low, gentle, and somewhat heavenly, had given him all the reasons to finally believe in the hopes he once doubted could come true. "Don't go." End of chapter 10 A/N: Aagh!!! Hisoka sounded like some sadistic lover or something! *scratches head frustratingly* Fortunately, nobody has accused me of doing the characters in a way where they are out of character...yet. So again, I'm hoping that this chapter may be all right with everyone who reads it. Any types of constructive protests or violent reactions are always welcomed in my mailbox, don't forget that ^_^ But of course, a few good comments here and there would be nice too *sheepish grin and holds up a peace sign*. This chapter was shorter than the last, but that's because it'll then be too long if I add one more scene. But I apologize anyway ^_^ And I kind of like this chapter as it is despite my lack of inspiration. No wait a second, I -do- have inspiration. *grins* Minna, look at this pic: http://rienne_c.tripod.com/illumi2.html It's been my constant companion since chapter 1 aside from Nuriko-sama's "Perfect World" (anybody heard that song? It's pretty!) ^_^ It's my favorite picture of Illumi-sama, and it's the original inspiration for this fanfic. Judging from the fact that this fanfic's chapter 1 was a lime *cough*, er, you people -do- realize exactly what -kind- of thoughts I've been having when I first saw that, ne? Aiya! *bows down apologetically* I'm just a child, don't kill me! >.< - Cherrie [http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama (will be updated soon, I promise ^_^')]
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